12.09.13

Tonight I found myself squatting outside my door in the dark, blowdrying peanuts in the alleyway.

A one-step process was turned into an absolute mission because I decided to buy the cheap, unshelled peanuts for my peanut butter.

Step 1: Shell them. This resulted in very dirty, very sore fingers, broken nails, a huge mess, and two hours wasted.

Step 2: Do a lot of research as to why these peanuts taste a lot like raw beans. Conclusion - they are raw and a weird variety from Virginia or something.

Step 3: Roast them. For a very long time, making sure to turn them and burning your fingers every time.

Step 4: Read on a blog that the skins just fly away if you blow on them.

Step 5: Try it. Get peanut skins in your eyes, mouth, down your top, all through your hair.

Step 6: Get resourceful. Plug in your hairdryer, close the door as best you can and shield your face from the onslaught of skins. Smile at passersby.

Step 7: Decide after 15 minutes that you can't be bothered anymore. Your rep in the neighbourhood has been damaged enough already and the peanut butter can be a little shelly.

Step 8: Dump it all in the blender and watch with satisfaction as the nuts get what they had coming.

Step 9: Grow increasingly frustrated as you find after the initial chop, all nuts manage to miss the blade and need to be scraped off the side after just one pulse.

Step 10: Repeat Step 9 about a hundred times until the mixture is smooth enough for the blender to cope with.

Step 11: Add coconut oil, salt, and a little agave to taste and repeat Step 10.

Step 12: Coax it out of the blender, not leaving any of the precious stuff behind because it has literally cost you blood, sweat, and tears. I'm not exaggerating. All of those things will happen.

Step 13: Taste the heavenly mixture and know that it tastes so good because of the physical exertion and passion involved.

Step 14: Curse the blasted peanut butter for wasting hours of your life and leaving you no time to work out before you fall into bed.

Step 15: Resolve to buy shelled, pre-roasted peanuts next time even though they cost about 50 times more.

 

I also made this heavenly thing. Pumpkin, swiss chard, rosemary, and garlic tart with an almond meal crust.