10.11.13

Sorry I'm not sorry for all the God-content in today's post
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God seriously rocked my boat today.

Following a discussion last night with the ladies I decided to be completely honest and admit to myself and to God that he might be saying no to this whole Seoul idea.

Ever since the beginning I've been to scared to actually pray about it because what if he didn't want me to go? Then what? Home? No thank you. Somewhere else in the world? That's just a bit scary at the moment.

I know his way is always best. I know I can trust him. I know he's been nothing but faithful and good to me.

But still... I have a stubborn and rebellious streak.

Today I decided I need to lay aside my agenda. I decided to pray, "Not my will but yours, Lord".

It wasn't easy, and I think I need to keep saying it in order to mean it.

The hardest thing is being in limbo. It's uncomfortable. I need to plan and to make it happen. Instead, I should be excited. I don't know what I will be doing next year. Maybe it still is Seoul, maybe not. But God knows and I need to trust him.

The knot in my stomach dissipated after worship. Singing "I surrender all" really helped. Now I just need to keep that on repeat in my brain until my heart gets the message!