04.03.13

Ohhhh man I came home feeling so dejected I ate a whole party mix packet.

It feels like my first day went pretty badly. I know I'm probably my own worst critic, but it was certainly not easy! The first class was so shy it was like pulling teeth, and then the second class was so rowdy I didn't know what to do.

Tomorrow better be easier!

Anyway, I met another teacher who is so great. She is the school counsellor and she can't wait to start the teachers class. Neither can I really. I think I'll enjoy it faaaaar more than the student classes if today is any indication.

I got the students to write down anonymous questions for me to answer, and these are some of the best so far:

This guy had an agenda I think.

And they also filled out surveys so I could approximate their level. Some of the finest:

So perfact!

03.03.13

It amazes me that being part of the wider church means that you have family wherever in the world you go. It was amazing to experience that this afternoon as I attended the only English speaking service in Daegu. Everyone was so welcoming and really nice. Taking communion all together was so unifying, and the benediction was a new experience for me, but quite powerful.

Another new experience for me today was skyping in a coffee shop. It was so strange, but I got over my shyness after a while. That is, until mum said "annyonghaseyo" loudly to the girl who walked past. Immediate mute!

I have had soooooo much coffee today. I mistakenly thought one shop had wifi and bought a coffee before I tested it out. I practically had to skull it so I could find another place before 5pm, the set time to see family. Ohh dear. I bought another one in the new place so now it's 7pm and my brain is buzzing. I'm never going to sleep tonight! The issue is that cafe latte is usually the only thing I can pronounce so the barista recognises.

While drinking a coffee in yet another shop this afternoon, I heard some throat clearing so I turned around to see a lady with a piece of pizza in her hand. She indicated for me to take it so I did. It was delicious! Just what I wanted for lunch. It completely made my day that much brighter.

Korea is just getting better.

We shall see how I feel after a full day of teaching tomorrow. Eek!

02.03.13

Tonight we wandered a bit downtown through the streets and settled on eating Mexican. I felt like I was cheating, eating familiar food so soon. It was pretty yum though, and had enough of a Korean vibe with the disco lights, smoke machine, and blaring music. They sang this girl happy birthday and it was absolutely crazy. A birthday song came on, everyone clapped along (NOT on the backbeat, of course), and there were sparklers involved.

A few other things made my day today. I found a cosy cafe across the road with wifi for when mine isn't on. I didn't figure out how to order actual food so I just had a coffee. That'll be the next step.

When I bought groceries, the man gave me a genuine smile to say goodbye. He wasn't afraid of me, like some. He was just lovely.

Also, on closer inspection, my flat is actually pretty gross. I started wiping down the tiles and it was like one of those ads. The difference was shocking. I moved the gas hobs and discovered a whole lot of food and grease. I shoved it back because it was time to leave, but I'm pretty sure it's going to haunt me unless I remove it and scrub it all down.

01.03.13

It is so nice to have Dani, a lovely American girl from orientation, in my area. We live a ten minute walk from each other, and I met up with her this morning so we could tackle the shops together. We bought irons, clothing racks, pots, pans, and baskets together. We communicated, paid, caught the subway, and found our way together. I loved having the company.

I felt like the odd one out yesterday quite a bit in a sea of black hair, but Dani's blonde company made it easier to be a minority.

Everything is quite easy considering no one really speaks English beyond "hello".

We went into downtown to meet up with a few others and eat dinner. It was great fun. The streets were bustling, wifi was everywhere, and shops devoted to headbands, socks, phone cases, glasses, and many more things were open to browse through.

Dinner was the most delicious thing I've had in a long time. Korean food really is even better in actual Korea. I didn't think it was possible!

Snacks at the subway station.

Rachel loves her new french fries socks.

28.02.13

The lack of internet in my apartment found me in a PC Bang (room) in between two teenaged Korean guys, one of which was smoking constantly while he killed people onscreen. As I was chatting to friends back home I would hear laughter, swearing, whooping, and yelling from various parts of the room. It was quite a strange experience.

When it was time to leave I waited outside the elevator and was taken aback by a huge group of boys, packed like sardines into the lift. Some even had to reverse out. When they saw me they double-took in shock and grinned. One of the pluckier ones managed a "hello", another said "how are you?"  It was so friendly and a very amusing welcome to the city of Daegu.

My apartment:

27.02.13

Today was the most tiring of all. We each did our lesson demonstrations to the rest of the class, which meant, as students we played a million games, said a hundred sentences over and over, and gave each teaching team enthusiasm and excitement.

By the end of it, Lucy and I were getting very silly. It was hilarious though, and I could feel myself being more like me.

To begin with at this orientation I've been quite reserved. Friendly, but not the complete weirdo I usually am. Today a slice of the inner crazy came out. It felt good to be comfortable enough to be myself. I'm gonna miss Lucy a lot when we go to our different cities tomorrow.
 

26.02.13

Tonight we could have gone out to cabin house with everyone else, but Lucy and I opted for mask making in the dorm instead. Chris joined us and provided many a humorous anecdote to entertain us.

I had a whole lot of fun and do not regret staying in at all. I have a beautiful mask and extra friendship points to show for it.

25.02.13

Back to lectures today. This time they were slightly less entertaining, although the last class was great. He had us in fits as he described his experience of learning English as a child.

In one of the lesson slots today we did taekwondo. They got in the national team to train us. It was so much fun. We were all pretty rubbish so we just had a laugh.

Epik has really spoiled us. Their aim has been to make us feel like royalty, and they certainly have! The national team, the food, the friendly staff, the amazing lecturers… it has all been amazing.

24.02.13

My feet have never been so cold as they were today. Walking physically hurt. It was so strange. I could have sworn there was ice in my shoes. I am investing in warmer socks asap!

But we had a pretty good time strolling around the historic folk village. It's crazy to think how old everything is. They were actual houses which were lived in by actual people. So cool.

Aaaaaaand there were donkeys. My new friend Lucy loved the donkeys. Ok, we both did!

Lucy ecstatic about the donkey.

23.02.13

Today was easier because I feel like we knew what we were in for. When it was time for our Korean class to start at 7, we were less tired because we had paced ourselves better.

When I got back to my room, I even did some study. I'm really catching on to this Korean spirit! I tried to translate a card from Bryan which he wrote completely in hangul (Korean letters). I did a very poor job, and of course, I can put it in the English alphabet, but still have no idea what it means.

Ahhhh well! I'll get there one day. It did feel very cool to be able to read out loud the Korean alphabet, even if it's still gibberish to me.

22.02.13

Day 1 of lectures began with much excitement, but by 8:45pm when I returned to my dorm, it was replaced by sheer exhaustion.

I learnt so much and crammed my brain so full that the only way to chill out was, of course, going a noraebang (karaoke room).

It was fantastic, although I didn't get to sing Kpop because no one I was with would have appreciated it.

We were in a sealed room, which made it less than pleasant when a couple of people I was with lit up cigarettes and kept one in their hand the entire time. That's a lot of smoke! I got back and absolutely stank. Korea really should make it illegal to smoke inside.

In other news, it snowed today! I got so excited.

21.02.13

The day I had dreaded was here. My fears had been realized. It was time for my medical and the blood test of my nightmares. They always make me a tad queasy.

That's an understatement.

While it was pretty awful, it was over, and we got to eat food, finally!

At the opening ceremony I sat next to a lovely Scottish girl. I hope that we can be friends.

Everyone here is pretty great. I've met so many different accents. No New Zealanders yet, but it's ok because standing with a group of South Africans made me feel like I was home.

20.02.13

I hope it's normal to have several, "What the heck am I doing, I don't want to do this anymore!" moments when you're thousands of kilometers above the Earth, hurtling at top speed towards a distant destination full of unknowns.

That certainly was the case for me today.

It probably wasn't a grrrrreat idea to read cards and letters when I had so much time to think about it all. I have had so much encouragement and my heart is full of love. It makes me wonder why I'm leaving it all.

Despite these crazy thoughts, on the bus to my orientation venue, as I looked out the window to see the skyline of Korea pass by in colourful neons, I regained that sense of excitement. Quite quickly it turned to a sense of sleep, but I am on a crazy adventure, and I just need to have fun.

19.02.13

This was the hardest day of my life so far.

It started out great with some card making and a date with Amy, but it all changed as soon as I saw my grandparents.

I managed to mostly keep it together for Nan. She was telling me about this bible verse she couldn't find and what it means for me when I felt my eyes get hot. Walking down the corridor was tough.

I gathered myself before I went to see Poppa in the hospital wing. It was no use though because I was even more of a mess as soon as I took his hand. The hardest thing was saying goodbye and not knowing if I would get the chance to ever again. He acknowledged it in words and we said I love you, voices breaking, while I held him tight.

I just had to get out of there so I squeezed his hand, said a hasty goodbye and turned away.

It messed with my head and my heart the rest of the day. I was barely keeping it together. Only because of friends and prayer did I manage to contain all that emotion that had been stirred up.

Saying goodbye when you know you'll see someone again is easy in comparison to the likelihood that it's your last chance.

18.02.13

Late tonight I popped around to the Collinses to say goodbye to Wiz.

I walked into their kitchen and she gave me a hug, then Lucy joined on the other side and we got a bit sentimental. I think we said some things and then I was about to get too emotional. It was the shaky voice, on the verge of real tears experience.

Luckily we got distracted enough to save ourselves from jumping off that cliff!

But it was a special moment that I will remember.

17.02.13

All day I couldn't stop thinking about how much effort so many people put into making yesterday so special.

My mum and dad spent this morning at the Elley's picking up rubbish, hosing down tables, packing up chairs and the barbecue to make it all tidy again. They've gone to so much trouble and I hope they know how much I appreciate it.

Along with that, people made salads and brought sweet things. Some even brought both!

I've decided that I'm an acts of service kind of a girl, and this was an overwhelming expression of love that I'm still getting over.

Not to mention innumerable hugs and kisses!

16.02.13

Today was the day of my leaving party. I felt incredibly blessed to have so many amazing friends who dropped in throughout the evening and afternoon. The Elley family did so much to clean up their property and host us all. It was the perfect afternoon, sipping Dad's lemonade and just hanging out with different groups of people. I have had so many hugs!

The most remarkable moment of the day was actually on the drive there. Dad's favourite, Lecrae was blasting in the car and I was thinking about the lyrics of Background when we noticed these bikers ahead. One of them was wearing a jacket with a patch that read, "The Redeemed". They were Christian bikers and so proud of it. That, coupled with the song was enough for me to have one of those profound moments that sometimes overcome you. I don't know what I learnt exactly, something about God being in control and trusting Him as well as not being ashamed of Him. If these guys could be so proud of their faith in a really tough gang culture, surely I can in my everyday life.

15.02.13

I fiiiinally completed the 17-module pre-orientation course, and passed the test with 100%. I don't think I've ever done that before, and although it was an open book test, I was still chuffed as anything. I didn't even look up most of the answers.

The girls came over tonight and tore through my wardrobe, claiming bits and pieces for themselves. I'm so glad that they got what they did. I love how excited they were about their purchases, and I feel so happy that they'll love the clothes.

14.02.13

Lindsay made my valentines day complete by giving me a box of Sweetheart candies. I pulled out my first heart with great anticipation to read the sentiment, only to find that it was absolutely blank. We had a laugh about the possible meaning and my hopelessness before baking the most delicious biscuits of my life.

This evening was a very special dinner with the Turnbulls. One of my all-time favourite things to do is eat yummy food at their place and sit on their couch. We always have great chats and loads of laughs. 

I made Korean which went down a treat (always a confidence booster), we played charades with Milla beene, and ate a whole lot of sweet things. To top it all off, we watched Project Runway with a bowl of pink ambrosia.

A beautiful Valentines day, I think.

13.02.13

We had dinner with the Elley's as a family tonight and on the way home we got a bit silly. By 'we' I mean Mum, Daniel, and myself. Dad's far too mature. It's always hilarious when Mum gets laughing. She has a high pitched giggle and she can't stop once she's started. Dan and I were tickling her from the backseat and she was just hysterical. Dad was trying to drive, and mock unimpressed with the whole thing.

Just a typic car ride with the Ward family.

12.02.13

I said a final goodbye to two friends today.

This morning I had a great breakfast with Esther in Takapuna. We talked about a whole lot of things. She's another old friend whom I love to see every now and again. She was wearing great coral pants. I always feel loved by her. She's got a way of warming you up. That sounds weird.

This afternoon I had a cup of tea and a little walk with Michelle. Every moment felt a little shrouded by the impending farewell. She's a good friend and I am going to miss her a whole lot. I'm so sad to be missing out on important moments in her life this coming year, but I know we'll remain close even if we are living apart.

Driving home was a bit melancholy and I came the closest to tears along this journey yet. A little part of what I'm about to do was hitting me. It was momentary though, as I suppressed it soon enough. I'm not quite ready to ride that wave of emotion quite yet.

11.02.13

Tonight Lucy and I said goodbye to a group of close friends, and in her case, a lover.

Freaks and Geeks is over.

The second time through is just as good, and the finale has some of the best moments of the series.

I have loved sharing the laughs with Lucy, and giggling every time Daniel (James Franco, aka. the perfect man) comes onscreen. It's been so fun to have an excuse to hang out lots. I love that girl!

10.02.13

The annual football showdown between Northcross and Windsor was this afternoon.

I had been looking forward to this for weeks. I love watching football, and this game was a great one.

Typical of Christian sports, there were fouls, penalties, yellow cards, and lots of yelling. It's all fun though and we can be friends afterwards.

Of course, Northcross took it out for the second year with a 2-1 win.

Better be the same next year!

09.02.13

This was the day of two fantastic tea parties, and an amazing evening with Amy. The whole day was remarkable really, so here it is:

Tea Party #1
Lucy  Collins made a beautiful hostess, and her Sims house, the perfect backdrop for a bunch of ladies in floral dresses to eat delightful homebaked goodies and sip on pink lemonade in the sun.
It really was the best old fashioned tea party I've ever seen, with so much effort in the preparation of the treats, and an atmosphere of friendship. I feel like we celebrated being females and had a ball.

Tea Party #2
Cindy's birthday was a great occasion for an intimate little afternoon tea. She had bought us each a very delicious cupcake, and Alysha had made some paper heart bunting to add to the festivities. It looked so dainty and really felt special. They had picked flowers for the table, gave us each a jar for iced tea, and even made us place cards! We took so many photos and laughed so much. Man, I love those girls!

Date Night
Amy and I felt so lethargic when we got back to mine. After the food had all settled down from the lounging on the couch, we decided it was Indian for dinner. I love Indian! It was quite romantic and we talked about all the fun things. On the way home it was decided that we were going to swim, and swim we did. I think it would have made it into top 5 night swims for me. There was slight phosphorescence, and I could see my feet in the very dim light. We shivered our way to Elliot's where I was introduced to the game of Ligretto which is now one of my faves. I'm gonna get real good and beat Elliot one time.

08.02.13

It was Cindy's birthday today. We went out on a bubble tea date and she taught me some Korean things that I may need to know. To be honest, my retention wasn't very great, but I appreciate it all the same.

We had a grand time taking selcas and being Korean. I'm going to miss her vibrance and energy a whole lot.

07.02.13

Sorting out my clothes was a very scary exercise. Deciding what to take, what to keep, and what to get rid of was a bit emotional.

For me, the clothes I own are so attached to memories of camping trips, that time I saw that person, swimming on a hot day, going to gigs, and various other people and places. They conjure up feelings, and it was a lot harder to let go of them than I anticipated.

The most difficult was holding up items that I've stolen of my brother's, that have a remnant of his smell, and deciding whether or not to take them in their slightly stained, moth-eaten states.

The answer was yes, definitely.

06.02.13

Today. What a day! I was so social, and the weather was so typically a Kiwi Summer's day - perfect for Waitangi Day.

This morning, after a frustrating phone call to Apple, I went to catch up with Jono in Kingsland. It was so great to see him and hear about his trip to the US. I love seeing old friends that I've known for ages. It's so familiar and nostalgic.

I couldn't believe it when I looked at the time and we had been chatting for two whole hours!

After another loooooooong conversation to Apple about my phone, I saw Lindsay and we made a pavlova to take to the Kiwiana night at Kirsten's. It was delicious, and such a good evening to celebrate being a kiwi (Kirsten and I were the only ones). Gotta eat as many pineapple lumps as I can before I'm off!

05.02.13

Ahh man I love Amy Lloyd.

It's so cool that we can hang out after long periods of time and still be good friends. I miss the days of seeing here every second day, but it's always good to catch up these days.

We ate amazing ice cream and strolled along Takapuna beach, chatting about our lives, before running errands together.

Doing errands with friends is one of my favourite things. It's like real life and I reckon in those mundane tasks, the beauty of companionship is at its finest.

04.02.13

I absolutely love it when vivid food memories are still reality today.

Rose and I went to the favourite restaurant of our teenage years, where would have many 'grown-up' nights out with our school friends and spend money we earned at our Saturday retail jobs.

The place looked like it had changed hands, but the food was exactly the same, if not better. It was such a relief!

03.02.13

Before today I had never ever had to stop the car in order to chunder on the side of the road.

Added to the mix this morning was a bit of nausea, which is faaaaantastic when you've got a 4 hour journey ahead. I threw up about 2 minutes before getting into the car, and approximately a few times on the hour following that.

It really was lovely.

Despite of this, I felt like eating Burger Fuel so badly when it got to dinner time. I felt confident about keeping it down. I love it when cravings are fulfilled, and that Basic Chick really hit the spot.

02.02.13

Mum and I went to the cutest little farmers market today and bought homegrown garlic, capsicum, and beetroot from a lovely lady.

Unfortuately I was feeling poos so I went to bed the rest of the day. Slightly napping is the greatest feeling. It's nice to wake up from.

01.02.13

Mangonui is full of beauty.

There were these cheeky little moths that disguised themselves as mini monarch butterflies. They were fluttering around by the path down to the beach and I thought they were just babies. But they were tricking!

31.01.13

I have a hilarious family. My brother is great fun. As I was taking photos, he pulled down his pants to moon me. Mum saw and was chasing him down the street, trying to cover his offensive butt cheeks. Dad strode on ahead, trying to ignore all the fuss.

30.01.13

Walks, stunning views, family fun, yummy wine.

29.01.13

I have a great family. We spent 4 hours in the car together on the way to Mangonui in the far North. It was just good fun chillin. Mum held this vase of flowers the whole way which was a bit ridiculous and I had been looking forward to eating one of these fudge chocolates, but alas, when we broke them open and bit into them, they were so disappointing! They tasted like they'd been expired for years. Oh man. Mum and her hiding chocoaltes away until they are forgotten!

28.01.13

I love reading.

Today I experienced a whole lot of it, and even finished a book that I've had for a very long time. It feels like quite an accomplishment as it's a classic, and a great book to have under my belt. "The Beautiful and Damned," by F. Scott Fitzgerald. A masterpiece.

27.01.13

It's been a while since I've been so touched by a message. Carl Lentz did an amazing job of the preaching this morning. I was blown away.

There wasn't any theological revelation, endorsed by the most prestigious seminary school. It was just pure truth, spoken to human beings who needed to hear it.

I needed it most.

I walked out of mainstage kind of like I walked out of that Sufjan Stevens concert years ago. Like my brain needed time to comprehend what had just happened, and until it did, there shouldn't be any unnecessary noise to taint it.

26.01.13

I love it when music is mindblowingly good.

Today there were three acts that really stood out.

In chronological order:

Louie the Zu drips swaggoo. He's amazing. For such a young guy to command such authority over the stage, his lyrics, and the audience was powerful. He did an amazing song with Lydia which was out of this world. It was beyond fantastic.

I enjoyed Lecrae a surprising amount. Not that I didn't like him to begin with, but it's hard to imagine how a rapper can be dynamic enough onstage without a full band. He definitely delivered!He did some awesome dances and bounced around the stage with his sidekick, Cannon. Lucy and I marvelled at his stature and broad shoulders. He did not disappoint.

Tom Lark was always going to be one of my faves. Unfortunately they got stuck with the same timeslot as Switchfoot so there weren't that many people there, but that meant the ones who were, were quality. We danced like loons and sang along. It was great fun.

25.01.13

To say I like things to be done my way is a bit of an understatement. I hate being in situations outside of my control.

Such was the case as we were lined up at the gate, about to enter Parachute 2013. The boys finally had the tents and strict instructions to lay EVERYTHING out so we got enough space for all of us. It was very stressful to rely on them, the two most peaceful guys to fight off encroaching neighbours.

They did a great job, it turned out, and we were very happily and spaciously accommodated. I love it when things work out just how I like them.

24.01.13

This day has been the most earth-shatteringly exhausting days of my life. However, I have completed all of the necessary tasks involved in moving out and cleaning up the Manja house, grocery shopping, packing for Parachute, and all that goes along with it.

The only rest I had was a quick cup of tea at 10pm before bedtime.

But it's all done! Except maybe washing and walking Manja, nut Jesslynn would love to do that right??

21.01.13

Oh man, I am in a fragmented state of relief, shock, excitement, and terror right now, upon receiving a letter of acceptance for the EPIK programme.

I have a job in a school in Daegu, Korea's third largest city. It is an absolute miracle, seeing as a week prior to my documents reaching them, there were only 10 placements left. God had my back this whole time.

If there's anything I've learnt so far, it's that if God tells me He's gonna make something happen, He will. Throughout this process, I've had a gut feeling that I'm meant to be in Korea in February, and that EPIK is the only way to go. It's been very tough to believe it can happen, especially over these past few days.

But He is God and I am not. He alone is faithful. I am so pleased that He is despite my lack of trust at times.

20.01.13

I was having a relaxing afternoon, reading outside when a magical thing happened.

I noticed a tiny flutter of orange out of the corner of my eye and watched as a Monarch Butterfly swooped gracefully in the air around my legs and glided off to perch on a leaf across the garden.

It was the most vibrant colour I've seen on a butterfly of its kind, and a beautiful omen of hope if ever I saw one.

I can't believe something so graceful only has three days to make the most of its own freedom and beauty before it becomes part of the earth forever.

In other news, I received a very exciting text about being in a Tom Lark music video. I can't even pretend I was cool about it. An urgent feeling rushed over me and I had to go and tell everyone who was still at church. Unfortunately, I couldn't go, but having the option is almost just as boastworthy.

19.01.13

I went to a gig tonight. The first in a long time. It was glorious.

There were so many people I knew an awkward amount. Too little to be sure that they'd recognize me and remember my name, and too much to ignore them without being rude.

I went for the ignoring route though.

Ahhh, I'm not so good with certain human encounters like that. One day I'll grow out of it maybe.

The music was lovely, and hearing Farah Loux mixed right and excited about their music was so much fun.

18.01.13

Oh boy today was a great day. Lucy and I picked up some chickens from Thames for her mum. We met up with Bryan in the township and ate in a very disgusting food court.

He managed to convince us to go to his uncle's mansion, where we hung out, took pictures, and dreamed of living in such luxury. When we became quite concerned about the chickens we decided to leave and head back home.

After a lovely dip in the pool I got home and Amy shared some very exciting news with me.

It was so much fun to have that particular conversation. It's been a while. What a happy conversation to have too!

16.01.13

My family is the best in the world.

I don't know how dinner tonight was so much fun. We just make each other laugh with almost every sentence. Dan has his funny gags, Dad makes dry jokes, Mum says silly things, and I soak it all in.

I am truly blessed. I will miss them a lot this year.

15.01.13

I hung out with Yvonne tonight. It was a lot of fun to just chill in her room, sharing files and taking silly photos.

I love when you can just do nothing much together and you come away feel like it was a bonding experience.

Perhaps it was our shared taste in engagement rings that made me feel that. We did some research. Just to be prepared.

14.01.13

I love it when Amy and I are thinking the same thing at the same time. It was meant to be our big camping adventure today, but the weather was looking pretty tragic.

As I was getting ready to meet her, I was glancing outside and thinking that it might be quite miserable to set up a tent in the drizzle. 

When she arrived, one of the first things she said was, "Do you think the weather is too gross to go? Maybe we should just stay here?"

And I was so happy!

Sometimes we don't say stuff like that and change plans because we think the other person wants to do it. I'm so glad it didn't happen this time though.

13.01.13

Today was a remarkable day, but most of all for Eleanor, who decided to hand her life over to God tonight.

She will never forget this day as the moment it all clicked. It made sense that life isn't meant to be lived in a purposeless pursuit of pleasure, but for God, who is the author and creator of all things. That's where true fulfillment lies.

I am so excited that this is where her journey begins. True life starts now!

I got to be a part of the celebration as she and Lucy came to visit after church. Over tea we talked about our lives and after a divinely inspired suggestion from Lucy, we prayed for each other.

I know I needed it so badly, and it was so profound to sit in the presence of God with two special people, and talk to him together.

12.01.13

Lance and Saskia got married today. It's a crazy concept, that humans are called to selflessly devote themselves to another human for their whole lives. It's quite scary actually!

The whole thing was super hot (heat) and super charming. She looked beautiful, and he looked very dapper. His face was struggling to keep composed as she walked towards him.

I think weddings are so special because two people have chosen to be vulnerable towards each other in front of a whole crowd of people.

11.01.13

Tonight was sleepover night, and goodness me Amy and I became 14 year old girls again. We were up until very late giggling about boys. I am slightly ashamed, but also very amused.

It was a whole lot of fun though, and totally worth the lack of sleep!

10.01.13

Today was hot like no other day so far. The air was so thick you could feel it all around you, and everything was sticky.

Last Summer was definitely not like this, but I am certainly not complaining! I even appreciate the instant scorching sensation from touching the steering wheel in my car.

This afternoon I had to go to church to help Links and Sam out with a few things, and it was a very strange feeling. It was not entirely pleasant. I sat at my old desk waiting for them to get out of a meeting and thought about how it's not my desk anymore. I got quite sad actually.

The sadness mingled with nostalgia weighed heavy like the stifling heat.

It's weird how emotions can take physical form.

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How did I forget to write about the most amazing natural phenomenon of my life!?

Tonight after jamming, Amy, Von, Michael and myself went for a swim in the dark at Browns Bay beach. As Michael dove under I noticed his hands glowing in the water. There was the most incredible phosphoresence I have ever seen.

As soon as we moved in the water, our limbs would send a few sparks of pale blue light into the water. The faster we paddled, the deeper and brighter the colour became and we could make our hands disappear into a glow like neon.

It was indescribable.

09.01.13

This evening I went to a potluck dinner at Michelle's house. It was really great to hang out with a group of girls I don't normally. They are beautiful ladies, and so easy to laugh with.

Plus they're all pretty domesticated so we had a whole lot of delicious food, including whipped jelly!

It was so light and fluffy. When you had it in your mouth you could hear all the little bubbles popping. We even had to turn down the music so everyone could hear it properly.

08.01.13

Busan is full.

This whole Korea thing is requiring a whole lot more faith than I'm used to having.

I think there might be a bit of necessary obedience involved too.

Aigoo.

07.01.13

Oh. My. Word.

Lindsay and I went on this MEGA walk today.

It was a lovely time, going down to Browns Bay and then back again.

Just before the hill, I saw a wee pathway so I suggested we take a slight detour and see where it led to.

Well... another pathway and more than a few stairs later, we came out quite far from home. We weren't sure how far until the corners turned into more corners and the road sign we were looking for seemed miles in the distance.

It was a lovely time though. Poor Manja slept the rest of the afternoon.

06.01.13

It was great to sit next to Nina at Windsor this morning. It's nice to think that a small gesture and a bit of conversation could really make someone's day.

Even if she did think I was someone else the whole time. Being mistaken for Annie HJ isn't such a bad thing at all.

05.01.13

Lucy Collins is a ray of sunshine. This evening as she plonked down in an armchair; apologizing profusely for this, that, and the other, and described her tales of woe getting back to Auckland with an empty radiator and a burglar alarm that would not stop, Lindsay and I looked on with awe and bemusement.

In other news, the pond is fixed! Dad came over and saved the day! Good thing too, because there was a moldy sparrow floating on the top and the fish weren't even visible through the algae which had built up! It's such a relief to hear the constant trickle of the fountain.

04.01.13

This morning I got up, made my coffee and started a new book, The Hobbit.

The sun was warm and it was a very peaceful way to start the day.

Holidays are just the best thing.

03.01.13

Today was the sad day I had to leave Matapouri. One last thing before we left though... the Headland Track. It's a lovely walk over the ridges and cliffs, looking out to the vast ocean and back on the township. There are even patches through the bush!

Even though the weather was getting miserable, it was still really great.

02.01.13

Paul Collins is a great man who just does not stop going! Us girls walked around to Pebbly Bay and he took the kayak all the way around the point to meet us there. It was a bit of a nail biter as he navigated the huge rocks and swells on the way in. Some boys never grow out of their daredeviling.

I had a bit of a paddle in the safer waters around the rocks and saw through the crystal water to the bottom. It was truly beautiful.

01.01.13

This morning we got up at a reasonable time and took breakfast to the beach. We sat under a tree and ate homemade nutella on bread, and drank coffee from a flask.

It was great fun, and the vast ocean made an amazing backdrop with it's beautiful blue/green hue.

31.12.12

New Year's Eve 2012 was a great day spent kayaking, walking, swimming, reading, and playing gin with some great people at Matapouri.

To bring in 2013, we sipped strawberry champagne, played a hilarious game which was a cross of charades and articulate, roasted marshmallows, and dedicated our years to God around the fire. It was very nice and thought provoking.

Hearing people's prayers give you such an insight into where their hearts really lie. To pray is one of the most genuine expressions of a person's inner workings, and it's an honour to be let into someone's thoughts and hopes in that way.

30.12.12

My life was like a movie sequence this morning when Lucy texted me to say her family were leaving for Matapouri in 20 mins.

I saw the text at 11, which was 25 minutes after she sent it.

I suddenly went into a flurry of movement. Life became double speed. Clothes were flung, teeth got a cursory brushing, nails had to stay chipped, and dishes left out. I didn't walk anywhere, it was a sprint to the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, car, front door, car, and I pealed out of the drive without so much as a goodbye to Manja who had witnessed the whole event with a very puzzled expression on her face.

29.12.12

Dinner at Kirsten and Jamie's was delightful as always.

They had this candle which smelled absolutely delicious. It was pear and maple or something similar, and it tricked me on more than one occasion that there was a second or third round of dessert going.

It was so yum!

28.12.12

Today I packed up my desk.

It's been a relatively unemotional road thus far, but taking my pictures, notes, and cards off the wall was a bit sad. Regina made a fantastic soundtrack as I read things over and smiled with nostalgia.

I can no longer call it "my office". I certainly will miss working with such incredible people and doing all the things that I love most.

But you've got to venture out someday.

27.12.12

This whole time in dreaming of Korea, I've been sure that Seoul is the only place I want to go. Unfortunately, it's completely full with a waiting list 1000 strong. The waiting lists get shorter the further from Seoul you go, but Busan is really the only option left with 100 free spaces for keen teachers like me. Now it's just hoping and praying that they'll like me enough to pick me.

Busan is the very opposite of Seoul in terms of location. I feel like God is having a good old laugh at me for trying to pick the terms of my obedience.

I do feel much calmer now that I know at least the direction I'm heading in. The stress of applying has given way to the realization that I am one step closer to actually leaving, and that is scary indeed.

26.12.12

Boxing day is always a lazy day. There's chocolate to consume, new toys to play with, and turkey sandwiches to munch on. All of those things happened today.

I got a new housemate as well. Lindsay has come to stay to escape her host family, who want her to babysit in her time off from nannying. Not cool. But it's awesome to have her.

We started in the kitchen with those sandwiches, talking while we ate, then we moved to the lounge and chatted while HIMYM was on, we then went back to the kitchen for dinner, then the floor to play with Manja and talk, then back to the lounge for more discussion over a movie. We talked a lot! But it was great.

25.12.12

Christmas Day has been a great day. I hosted my family, Nana and Poppa, and the Lloyds at my housesitting house. It was a big deal! Everything went well, despite the food being really late. But that wasn't my fault. I made a roast lamb and veges and a salad. Yum! We also had turkey and ham and pavlova, sticky pudding, lemon meringue pie, and icecream. It was a lot of food.

Everyone kind of had food comas and some slept. Poppa was straight to the couch after lunch, snoozing with his mouth wide open. Manja woke him up by jumping on him and snoozing too.

It was a really nice day surrounded with family, and friends later on. It made me think of next year and what Christmas will be like in a distant land without them.

24.12.12

This morning I was such a klutz. I was dropping the vaccuum cleaner on my foot, and then the baking trays on my toes, I banged my head into the basin as I stood up from the toilet, and I don't even know how that was possible!

It would have been a bit tragic if I wasn't joined in the afternoon by some lovely friends. It's crazy how much being around people makes me feel good sometimes. It was just so nice to hang out and watch Louie Giglio's Christmas message together, and eat yum stuff.

23.12.12

It's an incredible thing when you can see love written all over someone's face. Jacob just couldn't help himself as he looked at Bronwyn this afternoon. They were on the altar, about to say their beautiful self-written vows and he just could not stop looking at her, all doey eyed, with a grin on his face.

When he was standing there waiting for her, he couldn't stop bouncing up and down on the spot. He was so excited. It was adorable. What a special wedding!

22.12.12

It was such an honour to be invited to Lucy's birthday dinner tonight. There were only a few of us there, plus her family, and it was very special.

I got to sit at the family end of the table, which I enjoyed very much. Her family is one of my faves. Probably the best apart from my own. We talked about Korea, future, Lucy and how cool she is, and I heard some outlandish tales from Paul and Prisco.

They are very special people. I've learnt a lot about how important family is from the Collinses.

21.12.12

For Poppa's birthday today we went to visit them and load him with all sorts of good food.

He loved the cherries, and ate way too many which triggered a bowel movement Nana had been praying for for days (excuse the TMI)!

Anyhow, she was sitting next to Poppa, devouring a cupcake Mum had made. It was so much fun to watch. She downed it in two humungous bites. In between them, while she chewed, she had her eyes closed and murmured over and over how amazing and "light" it was.

Getting old is quite amusing from this end.

20.12.12

Tate Stevens won X-Factor! I don't know what I think of it. I was a Carly fan, but he's just so much more likeable.

It was absolutely great to watch it with my brother and his friends (and Lucy). Boys are just so much funnier, and they are always having a laugh.

In the famous words of judge Britney Spears, "It was very entertaining".

19.12.12

I introduced Lucy to Freaks and Geeks today and she loved it! It's always scary when you've talked something up so much that it could ruin the experience because it doesn't quite meet the high expectations.

Although, it's pretty difficult to do that when her favourite person, James Franco is in the show. She squealed whenever he came onscreen. It was hilarious.

18.12.12

Today I baked a cake for my last staff meeting at church. I'm not gonna lie, it was a good cake, and it felt even better to not have to go to another one!

I am definitely in the swing of the lasts. It would feel a lot more comfortable if I knew I had a definite job to go to in Korea. God loves to do that though. I must have foolishly prayed for faith at some stage recently.

17.12.12

This morning I had a great time just pottering around the house, drinking my morning coffee, and doing the general routine with Lucy here.

It's nice to have company and just go about life together. That makes it sound like we are a couple.

She walked the dog while I did the vacuuming.

Judge for yourselves.

16.12.12

So many things were remarkable about today.

There was the feeling of walking in to church in a Summer dress, minutes before the service began, which I actually got to attend! It felt so nice to just go to church and be a part of everything.

Afterwards, Amy and I hosted a BBQ at the house I'm sitting. To sit and eat at a table full of friends is a great thing. I loved having them all there and pottering around. I will get better at timing things, making sure there's enough cutlery on the table, and remembering to take the sauce out of the fridge, as I have people over more. Hopefully there will be many other barbecues this summer.

Going to Northcote tonight was also fantasic. I love their worship. It's so chilled, but they're all very good musicians so it's such a blessing always. They also pick songs which are out of the ordinary which is very refreshing.

15.12.12

I had been waiting for tonight to arrive for so long that I had forgotten all about it when the day was finally upon me.

I was so confused as I answered a call from Yvette, asking about our dinner plans and telling me hers'. She must have heard the confusion in my voice as I mumbled an answer, because she said,

"Dinner... and then the show... Mary Poppins...tonight!"

OH!

It was indeed magical. There was not a single flaw in the entire performance. The children were amazing and so gifted. Mary herself was practically perfect in every way, and the other characters were all incredible.

The best scene was a tap dance in which they sang and tapped a flipping demanding number, with Bert upside down as he did a solo. I could not believe it!

Man, I wish I could be part of a production like that! Being on stage feels so good, especially when you're bowing. You could tell the cast just loved it. They couldn't hid the elation in their faces, even right at the end of their tour.

14.12.12

It's a strange feeling when you're in a crowd of strangers, but still have a sense of comradery and unity. That's what it felt like to watch Grease outside at Silo Park tonight.

There were a few hundred people there with blankets and pillows, to see the film projected onto one of the concrete cylinders. It was so much fun to belt out Hopelessly Devoted, Greased Lightning, and all the hits, and not be ashamed because there was a guy singing along so emphatically behind you.

It was like one big happy family, and I felt so proud to be part of it. Yay Auckland!

13.12.12

Lying underneath the Telecom Christmas tree is definitely far more exciting than looking at it from the outside. On this one setting, the lights would make their way in coloured rings up towards the star in the center.

If you stared at the stationary star for a few seconds, the rings made you feel like you were in a vortex, speeding along infinitely towards a destination that doesn't exist.

It felt insane. I promise I wasn't high. I'd only had a toffee nut hot chocolate (delicious!).

12.12.12

I moved into my housesitting house tonight. As I was packing up my things, it hit me that I'm leaving so soon. I'm in this house until the end of January, and then two weeks later I'm gone to the other side of the world.

It definitely felt odd. There was more sadness than excitement at this stage. I'm sure when things are more confirmed with a school, and when I have my flights booked, it will seem all the real and like an adventure. Right now there are more nerves and stress than anything.

I know that God is at work in and through everything. It will pan out exactly as He wants it to, and that will be the best way possible.

I was reminded of that as I drove up my road, with my car packed full of my favourite possessions for the next 7 weeks, and as I came over the verge of the hill, I was blinded by a brilliant orange and red setting sun, right at my eye level.

11.12.12

I went for my first swim of the Summer this evening, followed by dinner on the beach. Although it got a bit chilly after a while, it was an amazing feeling.

The swimming season is here! This marks the start of keeping togs and a towel in the car, just in case a spontaneous dip is in order.

10.12.12

I bought a freaking huge box of chocolates today! It's 1.135kg of chocolatey goodness.

When I was little, we used to have Whitman's Sampler boxes at Christmas. The toffee and caramel ones were my favourite. I've dreamed about them for a long time, and when Alysha texted me about this huge box, I knew I had to buy it.

I've never seen such a huge box of chocolates before in my life, and I wouldn't have bought one quiet this big if I had the option, but $30 is not a bad price to pay for so much nostalgia (plus a whole lot of chocoalte!).

They taste the same too!

09.12.12

Finally the last Kids' Church has arrived. It was surprisingly less emotional than I had anticipated.

There was a moment, after Debbie had said some lovely things, when I was thanking people, that I almost got choked up. The kids and leaders all filled in a diary with their birthdays and special messages for next year. I am going to love going through it and staying connected to them through it. It's very cute.

Now what's left is to pack up my desk and office, and finish up various things before I go, which will be a bit of a mission, and I will definitely shed a tear taking all the cards, drawings, and notes from very special people, off my wall.

08.12.12

Today I went and visited my nana and poppa. It was a surprise for Pops, who was having a bit of a nap. When he woke up I was there and the most beautiful moment happened. His face visibly lit up as we locked eyes. He grinned at me, which is not something that happens often anymore for him, and he didn't let go of my hand for ages.

It brings a tear to my eye, just remembering it. I haven't felt so special in a long time. Just me showing up had brightened his day. It felt incredible. We chatted and laughed all afternoon. I love hanging out at their place, and I really should go far more often. I think I am more blessed by their company than they are, mine. Especially now Nana can print off emails by herself.

07.12.12

Von made me smile a lot today, even when my ovaries were raging war within and my eyes felt like they were full of sand and the only reprieve was to shut them.

I like it when we hang out and just talk nonsense over a beverage. I also like sharing embarrassing moments with her, like going to pak'n'save, buying one packet of pads, then having to approach the customer service people, pads in hand, enquiring about candy for church. It was fun. We should have made the guy more uncomfortable though.

06.12.12

I do love Hannah a lot. I love that she's just her. There are the same protective layers like anyone else has, of course, but she's quite happy to tell you exactly how she feels in the bluntest way possible. I love it.

What I love most is that, for all the effort she puts in trying to cover up her soft side, it always comes through. We had the most terrible storm and torrential rain as I was leaving her house, and yet she walked me quite a way to my car under an umbrella. I owe her my hair!

05.12.12

I felt like a bit of a teenage girl again, squealing along with my life group, teasing Lee about her date in a weeks time.

At the ball she left her number anonymously on a heart shaped piece of paper for a boy and he texted her. It's quite hilarious because now she doesn't really want to go.

It was a lot of fun giggling over it with them and having her on. Sometimes it's great to be a female.

04.12.12

Today was our staff Christmas lunch and boy did I get silly. I had zero alcoholic beverages, and not even a whiff of trifle, so I do not know why. We played this general knowledge quiz and I was absolutely shocking at it. My brain kept producing the strangest answers, and even when I was right, I kept getting too excited to say the words properly. All that would come out was a huge jumble in an elevated tone. It was good fun though, even at my dignity's expense.

03.12.12

Tonight I absolutely crashed on the couch after work. I did not move for hours as I cropped and uploaded photos from the ball. In the same spot I ate dinner, laughed a lot at the pictures, had a glass of wine, watched a fishing show, and received some lovely messages.

I actually did not get up from the couch until bed time.

02.12.12

I am absolutely floored by the generosity of so many people today. The ball came together and was a success. The murder mystery worked out, we had our car and camera, and photobooth. It was amazing.

The team mucked in and set up all afternoon, then stayed after to pack it all up. Even until 12 after an exhausting day. I am so grateful that they'd do that. Human kindness is a truly remarkable thing.

01.12.12

When I woke up this morning, the day before the ball, we still had no vintage car for the crime scene, or camera for the photobooth.

 By midday, and within the space of 30minutes, both issues were solved.

After all the time spent fretting, emailing and calling up chairmen of vintage car clubs, there was one right under my nose! The perfect car. A 1930s Mercedes SSK was sitting in the Elley's garage waiting for a chance to be put on show like this.

A text to the right person landed me with the best camera for the job.

I think God was just testing my faith a bit. He knew it would all work out and somehow the men would all be at church for the drive through working bee with the solutions.

.........................................................................

Von brightened my day today by dropping off advent calendars for my brother and I while we were out. It was a lovely surprise and completely made me grin and get warm fuzzies. I really am a gifts person.

His was a Warriors one, and mine had Disney princesses on it. The note said, "Because you are a beautiful magic princess."

30.11.12

Tonight we watched a movie at Laban's house to celebrate his birthday. It was great. We saw Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and it was a good level of gross and great 80s.

It was also a nice, relaxing way to spend a Friday night after a busy week, with tea and good friends.

29.11.12

And so begin the festivities.

Mine kicked off with a little Christmas party at Jessamy's. We discussed favourite and least-favourite Christmas songs. The two tops of my lists are All I Want For Christmas Is You, and Do They Know It's Christmas?

You can decide which is which.

However, the first bite of Christmas mince pies made me a bit excited about the season. I love them so much!

28.11.12

This morning was our last ever Maccas girl's breakfast which brought back memories of waking up far too early, picking the girls up and heading to McDonalds for a  pre-school feast.

Unfortunately they've stopped making yoghurt berry crunch, which is a major disappointment, but it was ok because the company made up for it. I love these girls and this reminiscent breakfast made me realize just how difficult it's going to be to leave them.

26.11.12

Tonight I got a text out of the blue from Cindy who wanted to have some company while she ate dumplings. Of course I agreed because of my quest to become more Korean, even if it meant I had t have two dinners. I couldn't just watch her eat!

It was absolutely delicious. I love her a lot. She's so cute and she had a huge bowl of noodles and soup, plus a plate of dumplings, and sides! That's flippin admirable!

25.11.12

The lasts are here.

Tonight I MC'd at the last Wave of the year, and my last for a long time. Beforehand it was chaotic as usual, mixed in with a few emotions.

I love it so much, and I really will miss being involved in a service like that. I can't wait to see how much it's changed and grown over the time I'm away though.

24.11.12

Tonight I went to a party with many cool people at it. They are cool but also crazy at the same time. I had a few great but awkward conversations. And some with local musicians I have only admired from gig audiences. It was a bit surreal.

Laban did an amazing rap as a birthday speech which absolutely made the night through the roof awesome. Chuck in some Bananagrams and Boggle with people I've Facebook-stalked on many occasions, and there you have an evening I've only dreamed of.

But I'm not that creepy, really.

23.11.12

I've been dipping my feet in the ocean most chances I can get as of late. Until today it has always been far too cold to tempt me, so it came as a very pleasant surprise to find that my toes didn't want to recoil in sheer terror after running to the waters' edge this afternoon.

It was actually warm. WARM! It's not even Summer yet!

22.11.12

A head massage is one of the most relaxing things that could ever happen to a person.

I love going to the hairdressers, mainly because I don't have to beg for one, it's just all part of the experience.

I thought I'd have to grovel today though, when she did the shampoo, did the conditioner, got out the towel and started drying, all the while trying to make conversation and break into my sacred calm-zone!

It was all to taunt me though because she put this other stuff on my scalp and then it began, the best two minutes of my day. I actually could have fallen asleep. Apparently people do sometimes.

21.11.12

This morning I was thrown in the deep end and had to lead Mainly Music without knowing the songs (lyrics, tune, or actions) and with zero experience in front of 50 0-5 year olds and their mums.

It was terrifying.

But it happened far better than expected.

I definitely had a favourite kid and I played with him, stamping our feet, for ages after the programme. Yes, he's the child of the owners of my favourite cafe, and yes I did introduce myself and let her know I recognized her. No, I'm not creepy at all!

20.11.12

It's always nice when something goes better than expected.

Telling RTK about the changes next year was something a bit scary, but they got onboard really quickly and started dreaming about what things can be like.

I love seeing them fired up and passionate, and I love getting really encouraging texts which show that they're thinking and God is planting seeds. YES!

19.11.12

Goodness me, did we have the meeting to end all meetings tonight at church. There were 30+ of the most involved children and youth volunteers, staff, and elders. It was all about how things are going, and plans for next year.

It was pretty intense as we talked about scrapping things, starting new ones, and all the things that aren't working.

I learnt something about myself, that I'm not as easily pushed over as I used to be. I know how to fight for what I believe is best. It's a great realization and I think it's all happened pretty recently.

18.11.12

I had a lazy Sunday afternoon!

It's a very rare occasion, which made it all the more enjoyable.

I sort of didn't know what to do with myself.

My life is going to get more of them shortly.

17.11.12

Oh man, this morning I had the strangest experience. I went to a bizarre Korean bazaar.

There were second hand and new clothes, many delicious lunch options, and so many books.

Priscilla introduced me to an older Korean lady who took my hand when she found out I was going to Korea, and then absolutely beamed when she found out I'm Christian. "Oh, you're going on a mission!", she said with all the delight in the world.

She then bought me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and made me put on plastic bags as a raincoat and bonnet.

It was all a little bewildering, but very sweet.

16.11.12

I forgot how happy it is to see Amy Lloyd.

I really appreciated her smiling face and cute stories of ditz and drama tonight.

I love how some people have a way of cheering you up and just brightening your day.

15.11.12

I clicked 'send' again this evening. This time was no less emotion-filled.

Thus far in life I have not had to make a CV. It has been glorious, just to go from job to job either with a hook up from a friend or by being approached personally.

The prospect of teaching at an amazing school on Jeju Island in Korea, or working in their Seoul offices persuaded me to cave in and make one. Seriously, this school is incredible. It's an all-girls school run by kiwis on a beautiful island, and the architecture, landscaping, tennis courts, pool, gardens, and so on make it a dream workplace. I'd go there just to hang out.

After schmoozing out a hopeful cover letter, I've just sent it in, knowing I'm pretty under-qualified, but fully capable of a few positions.

It feels good!

14.11.12

The weather has been absolutely crazy today. Just as I was about to leave work, the skies opened up and a mighty downpour began. After a lovely wee chat with Melinda, I noticed there was a patch of blue sky so I made a dash for my car.

Driving home I went through patches of sun, overcast, and showers. At one stage there was a half-rainbow, as if it was all squished up because the colours were radiant. It ended in a fluffy white cloud, and just as I was admiring it, my eyes darted towards a flash I had just seen out of the corner of my vision, in the ominous grey clouds right next to the rainbow.

I couldn't believe that I was seeing lightening at the same time as such a beautiful symbol of hope. It was very cool.

13.11.12

Tonight I put in a solid few hours finishing my application to EPIK, the teaching programme in Korea. After crafting an essay, making a lesson plan, and filling out pages and pages worth of info, it's done!

Pressing 'send' was an incredible feeling. It was a mixture of terror and excitement, with a bit of relief in there somewhere. I reallyreeeaaaalllly want to get into Seoul.

We will have to wait and see.

12.11.12

Tonight in the car on the way to band practice, I had a sudden urge to go on an adventure. My mind channelled it into wanting to do something afterwards. It's weird how sometimes all you want is alone, and other times all you want is company.

It never actually happened. After band I dropped Dan at football and went to the beach. I was in a new mood. I'm blaming it on one of the songs we listened to. It made me all pensive and I got that tugging feeling in my chest. It's quite a nice feeling to get. A bit inexplicable sometimes though. It's like being a little in love, and wanting to be fully in love at the same time as sadness and contentment. They're all pulling at the same time.

It's probably just me who feels like that sometimes.

11.11.12

HAPPY PEPERO DAY!!

Despite not celebrating this brilliant occasion, today was great.

It was the closest to a real Sabbath day that I've experienced for a while now. I went to St. Paul's this morning and thoroughly enjoyed it. The worship completely refreshed me. It felt so good just to slip in and slip out of the service.

 And then, as if that wasn't Christian enough, tonight at Elliot and Sarah's leaving dinner, there were just a few of us left so Lucy suggested we pray for them and Pete as they embark on their mission trip. It was so good to just be hanging out and then, right there, to be able to pray. I think that's a mark of true, real friendship and God being part of life as we interact and chill with each other.

It was a great thing.

10.11.12

You forget certain qualities about a person if you don't see them for a long time. Just subtle things you pick up on and eventually take for granted when you see them often. Gestures, phrases, intonation, and mannerisms fade out over time and distance.

It was so good to be reminded of all Phil's little isms tonight as we hung out for the first time in many months.

09.11.12

Oh man I had such a good nap today. It has been years since I have napped, but this one made up for all that. It was so necessary and waking up from it was so sweet. I felt rejuvenated and full of energy to tackle the night ahead: a family photoshoot, dinner, and then to Phil's gig.

What a great night it was, too!

08.11.12

The cable car was the last thing on our to do list for Wellington, and it certainly did not let us down. It's so cute, and intriguing. It works in such an amazing way, the bottom car pulling the other one up the hill by making the most of gravity. The whole time I was freaking out. Yay for physics!

Up the top was a beautiful panorama of the city, which was best taken at a glance because the wind levels were seriously high. We found a sunny, still spot which had some trees as shields and lay down to soak up some rays and enjoy our last afternoon in Wellington.

What a fantastic city.

07.11.12

There is one piece of art in the world that I have found that really connects with me. I don't know what it is about this portrait by C.F. Goldie, The Widow. It may be the sadness in her expression, the photo-quality detail in her hands, and the glowing embers hidden inside the hut, but I could look at it for a long time.You feel like you know this lady, this widow, and feel some of her pain.

It's amazing to me that a sheet of paper, a few drops of paint, and some utensils can be used to create emotion like that.

06.11.12

Today has been a great day. It's been one of the best in my life for ages. Maybe it was the sunny disposition of a new city, maybe the actual Sun had something to do with it, probably the food and company did too.

Amy and I woke up and had a yummy breakfast and coffee at Floridita's, followed by browsing in the vintage stores down Cuba St. When lunch time rolled around, we had a great time watching the sushi go round and round the carousel at Wasabi Sushi. It was the best sushi I have ever tasted, and it wasn't just because it was like a fun game to decide whether we wanted it, and snatch it in time before it drove by and we missed our opportunity.

This was followed by a visit to Amy's workmates (sort of) at the shoe shops, and some purchasing of our own, which made me feel so pleased! Consumerism won today.

After a coffee in the cutest little place, Crumpet, and a change of clothes, it was time for a cocktail from the Embassy Theatre and the best film I've seen in a long time, Safety Not Guaranteed.

Still buzzing from the movie, we had tacos at Sweet Mother's Kitchen to finish an amazing day, full of bests.

05.11.12

Wellington, day 1!

By 10:30am I had consumed coffee, a donut, a veggie breakfast, half a scone, and a pot of tea.

If the rest of the week is going to be like this, I will be pleased indeed.

Other highlights of the day include:
- Laying in the sun by the waterfront, dozing off momentarily in the sun
- Seeing Matt and Melinda and hanging out with them
- Escaping the rain and finding shelter in Fidel's with hot chocolate yumminess
- Having photos to update my Instagram feed with
- Seeing many stylish and attractive people

04.11.12

Worship was stressing me out bigtime today. Actually, just pretty much everything was.

I prayed that somehow, during practice, God would help me unravel it all and focus on Him. It was an occasion that I believed He could answer my prayer, but didn't really expect Him to.

He definitely did, and as practice went on I felt more and more calm. It was so great to experience peace like that, and an answer to prayer.

02.11.12

I had four separate chills with people today.

1. Alysha and Cindy:
We went to Delish Cupcakes and had a delightful time talking about boy crushes, jobs, school, and cute things. I love those girls so much. Hanging out with them always makes me smile. They are beautiful.

2. Links:
This girl gives me hope. She is so onto it and passionate about the same sorts of things I am. She inspires me so much because of it. After having coffee and a free mocha tart, I came away feeling so secure, comforted, and praising God.

3. Janet:
JanJan has a way of passing on joy to whoever she meets. She's a little Korean powerhouse of giggles, stories, and gossip. We dreamt and planned about living in Korea next year. I am so excited to have a friend over there as near and dear to me as she is.

4. Yvonne and Michael:
Second day in a row and not a dull moment. We went to the beach and lay on a blanket with a guitar. They are both incredibly talented and it was perfect just laying there, listening to their harmonies and staring into the sky. The clouds formed big, puffy hexagons like on a soccer ball, with stars peering through the cracks. At one point they parted to reveal a bright moon with a yellowish hue. It was beautiful. Once again, time escaped us and I went to bed well after midnight.

What a great day.

01.11.12

Von and I got to catch up with Michael Lee tonight and it was great. I was only going to stay for about an hour, but as per usual when we hang out, it got late very quickly.

That doesn't happen for me with many people. It definitely does with Von on many occasions in cafes where we just talk for far too long. I think it's quite special.

Another remarkable thing about our time was the way that Michael reacted to my website idea. He was so supportive and excited which made me even more passionate and dreaming even bigger. I can't believe how amazing it is to have great friends who are so helpful and creative who just want to help me so much. I feel very blessed.

31.10.12

It was our church Light Party tonight, a community event which provides an alternative to Halloween.

I dressed up as Snow White and boy did the kids love it! Most of the adults were calling me Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, but the kids would say, "Hey, Snow White!!!" excitedly as I passed. One little boy in a wheelchair was a bit awestruck as his parents told me Snow White is his favourite, so I chatted to him for a while.

It was great fun! I loved making the kids all excited and bringing joy to their little faces.

One girl from church looked up at me and asked, "Are you Snow White?" After I replied positively she looked at me closer and said with confusion, "But are you Katie too?"

It was gorgeous.

One day I might just work at Disneyland.

30.10.12

Tonight Melinda bought a pizza for her dinner and ate it at church. It always amazes me how generous she is with her food. Where I would guard mine with my life and glare at someone who even dares glance at it, she gives it away happily.

She ended up with only a few slices as she offered it to everyone else. She wasn't even bitter about it.

Maybe I'm just way too overprotective of my food and this shouldn't surprise me.

29.10.12

There's something magical about driving up my driveway with the window down and as I race up the hill, whiffs of the fresh Spring flowers fly past my nose.

It really makes me appreciate life.

03.11.12

Tonight was Sam's birthday, and it was a thoroughly enjoyable evening. The speeches were so touching. I teared up in quite a few. His grandma started hers' way back in 1946 and gave a brief history of Brown's Bay, ending with a short memory of Sam's birth. It was all very cute.

The whole family was very sincere, and surprisingly, so were his friends. Usually the boys make up dumb stuff to say with no preparation, and in some cases, too much alcohol. That didn't happen so badly tonight which was really nice.

28.10.12

Today is the day that the secret is out!

There were a few people I had to let know before I could just tell the world that I AM GOING TO KOREA.

I don't know exactly when, but it'll probably be February to teach for a year, and at the end of it I can decide my next step.

This is the most peace and joy I have ever felt in my life about anything. I know that God has been preparing the way for this over many years, especially in the past few months.

I've still got to work out what programme I'm going with and all the details, but after speaking to someone today who said I'm pretty much guaranteed a placement, I'm confident.

I just can't believe that the time is now, and something I want so bad is in God's plan for me. He is so good!

27.10.12

Today I picked up my guitar and played a few things.

I surprised myself by being better than yesterday!

It was a small thing, but very exciting. I even got the timing right changing from Bm to A.

It was all very cool. Fame, here I come!

26.10.12

I have reallyreally appreciated people's empathy the last few days. Not sharing in my pain, but rejoicing with me.

It's annoying to not be able to tell everyone at once what's going on because I just want to declare it to the world!

But it is quite fun to tell people one by one and see how they react. Being on the receiving end of their selfless joy is humbling. I'm learning how it feels so I can be good at it when the roles are switched.

25.10.12

Red wine, chocolate, and chips are a great companion to chats about church, life, love, and Embarrassing Bodies (seriously, why would anyone go on that show? And why do people watch it?!).

But most remarkable was the swelling feeling that took captive my heart throughout the day. Like a balloon being filled with so much goodness that it could burst at any moment. I kept having thoughts like, "How can anyone be this happy?" and, "Why do I deserve to be blessed this much?" It was almost more than I could bear.

24.10.12

The sun this evening was huge! It was bright, and it really did turn everything it fell on into a beautiful shade of gold.

It was like a reflection of my life over the last couple of days. When you have so much joy, it really doesn't matter what happens during the day, you can overcome it with a smile.

Even those little things that used to make me so mad, like a vaccuum cleaner that leaves a trail of dirt instead of sucking it up, or a broken door handle just to make life awkward, become insignificant details in a day full of smiles.

23.10.12

I found Katie again!

She was hidden underneath this pile of frustration, worry, and negativity but now, after that dreaded conversation, she is free!

I have not felt so elated or so full of joy in a very long time. I want to hug everyone.

What a release. What a relief.

What a Saviour who could bless me with so much peace and joy. Thank you!

22.10.12

Today I found out I've grown!! About 2cm in a year! How exciting.

But also, I've been this kind of nervous/excited/anxious mess since about 2:30pm this afternoon. I've bitten off three fingernails, a habit I thought I had broken long ago, and had to cut down the rest to prevent it happening again.

I'm going crazy with all these nerves about a conversation I've got to have tomorrow. I wish I could be more straightforward but I can't.

In due time.

21.10.12

Tonight was such a good temperature. It was warm enough outside and the rain calmed for long enought to tempt us to walk down to the beach after brushing our teeth.

We sat there watching the waves for a while. It's strange how something so uncontrollable as water being tossed onto the shore can have such a calming effect. The rhythmic crashing brought peace and contentment.

I even felt the water and could have been tempted to swim. Possibly.

20.10.12

Today there are two particularly remarkable things.

The first was sitting on the same giant rock I wrote about three years ago and looking out over that same ocean. It was the same colour blue, and just as beautiful. The moment wasn't nearly as profound or private, but I just loved that the rock hadn't moved and I could come back to it and ponder. That part of the world just kept on keeping on and each year when I visit, I can depend on it to be the same.

The second is more a memory I don't want to forget. A quality that I am coming to appreciate a lot in people is general cheekiness and the ability to produce fun. Sarah is one such person, and proceeded to cause many giggles tonight at Jessi's 21st. At the door, each guest was handed a card. One person had the word, 'murderer' written on theirs. The aim was to get that card by swapping with people over the course of the night. Sarah got the great idea to start writing messages on the card. Things escalated and the cards made the rounds and various people were demanding the kisses, promised by the cards. Some had Jessi's name, and others had Dan, Lucy, mine, and even Sarah as I got her back. It was a huge laugh, made funnier by the fact that we all had to disappear during speeches. As Lucy said, "It was all part of the illusion."

19.10.12

There is an amazing crescent moon out tonight. It's almost unreal the way the stars are scattered around it.

It's difficult to focus on conversation or where I am walking because all I want to do is look up.

18.10.12

After arriving at Tawharanui, setting up, and getting cosy over dinner, I thought Dad was crazy to venture out into the freezing wind to catch a fish down the other end of the beach. Not long after he left, Mum and I were the crazy ones to follow him.

I did not end up regretting the 20minute walk at all because the stars were out in full splendor, reflected in the water as phosphorescence washed up with each wave. It is amazing to watch the particles glow in the moonlight.

To make it even better, Dad caught three fish and was very chuffed with himself.

17.10.12

The little kids at Mainly Music are adorable and they brighten my day like nothing else.

One boy bounded in this morning holding a Vegemite sandwich. I commented about Marmite and a whole conversation ensued about how terrible it is that, "there's no Marmite in the supermarket anywhere!"

16.10.12

Today Melinda bought an iPhone! She wasn't sure, but after some persuasion she clicked that little "Buy Now" button on Trademe and it was done.

We picked it up this afternoon from the most amazing place on earth. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration.

As we drove into this place, it looked like a big factory up ahead. I thought that this would be a place to murder someone and hide them. We were a bit worried.

The concrete walls were covered in grafitti art and there was a wall made of rusted bike wheels. Up the curving driveway there were other strange art pieces scattered in odd places. Old villas with verandahs had benches and fountains covered in crochet. It was like we had driven into an art commune.

That's actually kinda accurate, except much less scary.

It was an old winery, turned into an art estate with artist studios, performance places, galleries, theatres, and a beautiful old church.

It was so weird and wonderful.

15.10.12

I have had three big conversations today.

Getting out a years worth of frustration felt really really good.

I came to some decisions and felt peace from God for the first time in a long time.

It's good to pray about things that matter again and know that I need an answer.

14.10.12

Productivity always feels good. I had a very busy day, at work from 8:30am until 9:00pm, but at the end of it I could say I was prepared for the week.

What a boring remarkable thing. I'll do better next time.

13.10.12

The combination of black jeans and the warm sun is usually a good one, and this afternoon it did not disappoint.

Perhaps my lack of sleep had something to do with the comfort it bought me as I drove along the motorway.

Outside, the wind was making the world go crazy, but there was nothing but calm in my car.

12.10.12

It was Dan's party tonight.

All the hard work paid off. People had a good time I think and enjoyed the videos. Phew! Dan did anyway, and that's the main thing.

My own 21st was a bit overwhelming because there were all the people there to talk to and make feel welcome. But this was a whole lot of people I know and could talk to without that added pressure. It was great.

I love dancing! We danced for a long time and loved every moment.

Dancing brings people together. Or can have the opposite effect I suppose if it was inappropriate. But this was great.

11.10.12

Watching yourself in videos from your childhood is the craziest thing.

As I saw this little blonde girl potter around the house, putting buckets on her head, riding around in the driveway, and getting excited about using the potty, it was a strange sort of nostalgia.

I couldn't remember doing those things, but somehow there was a vague recollection of the places and props.

It was a weird experience, feeling so disconnected from my own life.

10.10.12

Oh wow I have not laughed so much in a long time.

It was dance practice this afternoon for Dan's birthday and it was a complete mess.

We kept making mistakes and cracking each other up.

It's so refreshing to be completely silly sometimes.

08.10.12

It's my brother's birthday today. I have written him a speech:

"I was one and a half when Daniel came into the world. As soon as I saw him two realizations came to me.

Firstly, I would have to work at retaining the affection and attention of mum and dad. He was quite a cute baby and all if a sudden I had to fight for the spot of favourite. There is evidence of this in our home videos. I tried so hard to be the star and photo bombed a lot of his screen time.

The second realization was that I had gained a blind follower, an innocent victim to manipulate into playing with me, letting me dress him up (never nailpolish!), and getting me things I couldn't reach. He did very well under my instruction, even stealing the spatula, mums discipline device from the kitchen one day and hiding it under the bed.
He also was quite handy as a scapegoat. I think quite a few of my tellings off went to him. He would bawl and mum would give him a big hug and tell him she loved him. I used to hate that so much. I wanted justice... for him.


I did actually realize a third thing later on. I may have upstaged Dan in the home videos, but he really did upstage me in life. He is so smart, helping me with homework when I was two years above him at school, he lived my 7th form dream of being a student rep and a lead in the musical, and I don't know a single person who doesn't like him. Somehow Dan charms his way into making us all pick him up, buy him food, lend him assignments... He's got us all around his little finger.

It's not all take and no give though. He is one of the kindest, most caring people I know. Most brothers wouldn't bring their sister a glass of water after she hollers up the stairs at him, or dance like fool with her around the kitchen, or practice her worship set with her for ages even if he's not playing it that Sunday.

Dan and I have always been good friends. Over the years there has only been on habit of his that has really got on my nerves. I've only come to appreciate his constant, confident, and extremely loud singing recently. I think mainly because his taste in music has improved a bit from Nickelback.

Each week there was a new theme song which we heard screamed down the hall or up the stairs or over the top of the radio in the car. There were songs for the shower (the neighbours love him for that),songs for dancing, songs for when he got home, songs for sound checks, and songs for driving. He is always singing.

Everyone knows it, so we are going to watch this video mashup of all his favourites, but first, Dan I am so proud that you're mu brother. You are becoming a young man and it's so exciting to see you take more responsibility, and grow in integrity and all those things a man should be. 

Happy birthday. Love you."

07.10.12

Oh my word I have danced so much today.

It's been fun planning my brother's birthday party and this dance is one of the final pieces to come together. Unfortunately it is mighty difficult.

Dan is pretty talented when it comes to pretty much everything, but especially dancing. He can shuffle faster than most, shake his hips like Shakira, and coordinate his hands, feet and face at the same time.

Aaaaand Mum gave me the task of putting together a dance of all his moves to perform at his 21st.

Meg, Reece, and I got together this afternoon to turn it into one dance. Elliot came too but gave up when we got to the shuffling section. I don't blame him either. Those moves are difficult.

There is no way we'll ever look as good as Dan doing it all but I hope people can at least recognize some parts and recall him doing them on the dancefloor.

But honestly, I've never exercised so much in one day.

06.10.12

I had to move out of the Collins' house today. It was a very sad time because I have loved the past three weeks. They have been exactly the right amount of change I needed to stay on track with life.

I was sorry to say goodbye to chats before bedtime over cups of tea, my double bed with the sun streaming on, playing games and getting cuddles with Tui, baking and cooking whatever we liked, and of course the company of Wiz and Lucy and other guests.

05.10.12

I love anticipating eating something delicious when I know exactly how it is going to taste. You dream about it all day and then you take that first mouthful and it is exactly as it should be.

Jeyukbokkeum, you never disappoint.