08.12.12

Today I went and visited my nana and poppa. It was a surprise for Pops, who was having a bit of a nap. When he woke up I was there and the most beautiful moment happened. His face visibly lit up as we locked eyes. He grinned at me, which is not something that happens often anymore for him, and he didn't let go of my hand for ages.

It brings a tear to my eye, just remembering it. I haven't felt so special in a long time. Just me showing up had brightened his day. It felt incredible. We chatted and laughed all afternoon. I love hanging out at their place, and I really should go far more often. I think I am more blessed by their company than they are, mine. Especially now Nana can print off emails by herself.

07.12.12

Von made me smile a lot today, even when my ovaries were raging war within and my eyes felt like they were full of sand and the only reprieve was to shut them.

I like it when we hang out and just talk nonsense over a beverage. I also like sharing embarrassing moments with her, like going to pak'n'save, buying one packet of pads, then having to approach the customer service people, pads in hand, enquiring about candy for church. It was fun. We should have made the guy more uncomfortable though.

06.12.12

I do love Hannah a lot. I love that she's just her. There are the same protective layers like anyone else has, of course, but she's quite happy to tell you exactly how she feels in the bluntest way possible. I love it.

What I love most is that, for all the effort she puts in trying to cover up her soft side, it always comes through. We had the most terrible storm and torrential rain as I was leaving her house, and yet she walked me quite a way to my car under an umbrella. I owe her my hair!

05.12.12

I felt like a bit of a teenage girl again, squealing along with my life group, teasing Lee about her date in a weeks time.

At the ball she left her number anonymously on a heart shaped piece of paper for a boy and he texted her. It's quite hilarious because now she doesn't really want to go.

It was a lot of fun giggling over it with them and having her on. Sometimes it's great to be a female.

04.12.12

Today was our staff Christmas lunch and boy did I get silly. I had zero alcoholic beverages, and not even a whiff of trifle, so I do not know why. We played this general knowledge quiz and I was absolutely shocking at it. My brain kept producing the strangest answers, and even when I was right, I kept getting too excited to say the words properly. All that would come out was a huge jumble in an elevated tone. It was good fun though, even at my dignity's expense.

03.12.12

Tonight I absolutely crashed on the couch after work. I did not move for hours as I cropped and uploaded photos from the ball. In the same spot I ate dinner, laughed a lot at the pictures, had a glass of wine, watched a fishing show, and received some lovely messages.

I actually did not get up from the couch until bed time.

02.12.12

I am absolutely floored by the generosity of so many people today. The ball came together and was a success. The murder mystery worked out, we had our car and camera, and photobooth. It was amazing.

The team mucked in and set up all afternoon, then stayed after to pack it all up. Even until 12 after an exhausting day. I am so grateful that they'd do that. Human kindness is a truly remarkable thing.

01.12.12

When I woke up this morning, the day before the ball, we still had no vintage car for the crime scene, or camera for the photobooth.

 By midday, and within the space of 30minutes, both issues were solved.

After all the time spent fretting, emailing and calling up chairmen of vintage car clubs, there was one right under my nose! The perfect car. A 1930s Mercedes SSK was sitting in the Elley's garage waiting for a chance to be put on show like this.

A text to the right person landed me with the best camera for the job.

I think God was just testing my faith a bit. He knew it would all work out and somehow the men would all be at church for the drive through working bee with the solutions.

.........................................................................

Von brightened my day today by dropping off advent calendars for my brother and I while we were out. It was a lovely surprise and completely made me grin and get warm fuzzies. I really am a gifts person.

His was a Warriors one, and mine had Disney princesses on it. The note said, "Because you are a beautiful magic princess."

30.11.12

Tonight we watched a movie at Laban's house to celebrate his birthday. It was great. We saw Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and it was a good level of gross and great 80s.

It was also a nice, relaxing way to spend a Friday night after a busy week, with tea and good friends.

29.11.12

And so begin the festivities.

Mine kicked off with a little Christmas party at Jessamy's. We discussed favourite and least-favourite Christmas songs. The two tops of my lists are All I Want For Christmas Is You, and Do They Know It's Christmas?

You can decide which is which.

However, the first bite of Christmas mince pies made me a bit excited about the season. I love them so much!

28.11.12

This morning was our last ever Maccas girl's breakfast which brought back memories of waking up far too early, picking the girls up and heading to McDonalds for a  pre-school feast.

Unfortunately they've stopped making yoghurt berry crunch, which is a major disappointment, but it was ok because the company made up for it. I love these girls and this reminiscent breakfast made me realize just how difficult it's going to be to leave them.

26.11.12

Tonight I got a text out of the blue from Cindy who wanted to have some company while she ate dumplings. Of course I agreed because of my quest to become more Korean, even if it meant I had t have two dinners. I couldn't just watch her eat!

It was absolutely delicious. I love her a lot. She's so cute and she had a huge bowl of noodles and soup, plus a plate of dumplings, and sides! That's flippin admirable!

25.11.12

The lasts are here.

Tonight I MC'd at the last Wave of the year, and my last for a long time. Beforehand it was chaotic as usual, mixed in with a few emotions.

I love it so much, and I really will miss being involved in a service like that. I can't wait to see how much it's changed and grown over the time I'm away though.

24.11.12

Tonight I went to a party with many cool people at it. They are cool but also crazy at the same time. I had a few great but awkward conversations. And some with local musicians I have only admired from gig audiences. It was a bit surreal.

Laban did an amazing rap as a birthday speech which absolutely made the night through the roof awesome. Chuck in some Bananagrams and Boggle with people I've Facebook-stalked on many occasions, and there you have an evening I've only dreamed of.

But I'm not that creepy, really.

23.11.12

I've been dipping my feet in the ocean most chances I can get as of late. Until today it has always been far too cold to tempt me, so it came as a very pleasant surprise to find that my toes didn't want to recoil in sheer terror after running to the waters' edge this afternoon.

It was actually warm. WARM! It's not even Summer yet!

22.11.12

A head massage is one of the most relaxing things that could ever happen to a person.

I love going to the hairdressers, mainly because I don't have to beg for one, it's just all part of the experience.

I thought I'd have to grovel today though, when she did the shampoo, did the conditioner, got out the towel and started drying, all the while trying to make conversation and break into my sacred calm-zone!

It was all to taunt me though because she put this other stuff on my scalp and then it began, the best two minutes of my day. I actually could have fallen asleep. Apparently people do sometimes.

21.11.12

This morning I was thrown in the deep end and had to lead Mainly Music without knowing the songs (lyrics, tune, or actions) and with zero experience in front of 50 0-5 year olds and their mums.

It was terrifying.

But it happened far better than expected.

I definitely had a favourite kid and I played with him, stamping our feet, for ages after the programme. Yes, he's the child of the owners of my favourite cafe, and yes I did introduce myself and let her know I recognized her. No, I'm not creepy at all!

20.11.12

It's always nice when something goes better than expected.

Telling RTK about the changes next year was something a bit scary, but they got onboard really quickly and started dreaming about what things can be like.

I love seeing them fired up and passionate, and I love getting really encouraging texts which show that they're thinking and God is planting seeds. YES!

19.11.12

Goodness me, did we have the meeting to end all meetings tonight at church. There were 30+ of the most involved children and youth volunteers, staff, and elders. It was all about how things are going, and plans for next year.

It was pretty intense as we talked about scrapping things, starting new ones, and all the things that aren't working.

I learnt something about myself, that I'm not as easily pushed over as I used to be. I know how to fight for what I believe is best. It's a great realization and I think it's all happened pretty recently.

18.11.12

I had a lazy Sunday afternoon!

It's a very rare occasion, which made it all the more enjoyable.

I sort of didn't know what to do with myself.

My life is going to get more of them shortly.

17.11.12

Oh man, this morning I had the strangest experience. I went to a bizarre Korean bazaar.

There were second hand and new clothes, many delicious lunch options, and so many books.

Priscilla introduced me to an older Korean lady who took my hand when she found out I was going to Korea, and then absolutely beamed when she found out I'm Christian. "Oh, you're going on a mission!", she said with all the delight in the world.

She then bought me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and made me put on plastic bags as a raincoat and bonnet.

It was all a little bewildering, but very sweet.

16.11.12

I forgot how happy it is to see Amy Lloyd.

I really appreciated her smiling face and cute stories of ditz and drama tonight.

I love how some people have a way of cheering you up and just brightening your day.

15.11.12

I clicked 'send' again this evening. This time was no less emotion-filled.

Thus far in life I have not had to make a CV. It has been glorious, just to go from job to job either with a hook up from a friend or by being approached personally.

The prospect of teaching at an amazing school on Jeju Island in Korea, or working in their Seoul offices persuaded me to cave in and make one. Seriously, this school is incredible. It's an all-girls school run by kiwis on a beautiful island, and the architecture, landscaping, tennis courts, pool, gardens, and so on make it a dream workplace. I'd go there just to hang out.

After schmoozing out a hopeful cover letter, I've just sent it in, knowing I'm pretty under-qualified, but fully capable of a few positions.

It feels good!

14.11.12

The weather has been absolutely crazy today. Just as I was about to leave work, the skies opened up and a mighty downpour began. After a lovely wee chat with Melinda, I noticed there was a patch of blue sky so I made a dash for my car.

Driving home I went through patches of sun, overcast, and showers. At one stage there was a half-rainbow, as if it was all squished up because the colours were radiant. It ended in a fluffy white cloud, and just as I was admiring it, my eyes darted towards a flash I had just seen out of the corner of my vision, in the ominous grey clouds right next to the rainbow.

I couldn't believe that I was seeing lightening at the same time as such a beautiful symbol of hope. It was very cool.

13.11.12

Tonight I put in a solid few hours finishing my application to EPIK, the teaching programme in Korea. After crafting an essay, making a lesson plan, and filling out pages and pages worth of info, it's done!

Pressing 'send' was an incredible feeling. It was a mixture of terror and excitement, with a bit of relief in there somewhere. I reallyreeeaaaalllly want to get into Seoul.

We will have to wait and see.

12.11.12

Tonight in the car on the way to band practice, I had a sudden urge to go on an adventure. My mind channelled it into wanting to do something afterwards. It's weird how sometimes all you want is alone, and other times all you want is company.

It never actually happened. After band I dropped Dan at football and went to the beach. I was in a new mood. I'm blaming it on one of the songs we listened to. It made me all pensive and I got that tugging feeling in my chest. It's quite a nice feeling to get. A bit inexplicable sometimes though. It's like being a little in love, and wanting to be fully in love at the same time as sadness and contentment. They're all pulling at the same time.

It's probably just me who feels like that sometimes.

11.11.12

HAPPY PEPERO DAY!!

Despite not celebrating this brilliant occasion, today was great.

It was the closest to a real Sabbath day that I've experienced for a while now. I went to St. Paul's this morning and thoroughly enjoyed it. The worship completely refreshed me. It felt so good just to slip in and slip out of the service.

 And then, as if that wasn't Christian enough, tonight at Elliot and Sarah's leaving dinner, there were just a few of us left so Lucy suggested we pray for them and Pete as they embark on their mission trip. It was so good to just be hanging out and then, right there, to be able to pray. I think that's a mark of true, real friendship and God being part of life as we interact and chill with each other.

It was a great thing.

10.11.12

You forget certain qualities about a person if you don't see them for a long time. Just subtle things you pick up on and eventually take for granted when you see them often. Gestures, phrases, intonation, and mannerisms fade out over time and distance.

It was so good to be reminded of all Phil's little isms tonight as we hung out for the first time in many months.

09.11.12

Oh man I had such a good nap today. It has been years since I have napped, but this one made up for all that. It was so necessary and waking up from it was so sweet. I felt rejuvenated and full of energy to tackle the night ahead: a family photoshoot, dinner, and then to Phil's gig.

What a great night it was, too!

08.11.12

The cable car was the last thing on our to do list for Wellington, and it certainly did not let us down. It's so cute, and intriguing. It works in such an amazing way, the bottom car pulling the other one up the hill by making the most of gravity. The whole time I was freaking out. Yay for physics!

Up the top was a beautiful panorama of the city, which was best taken at a glance because the wind levels were seriously high. We found a sunny, still spot which had some trees as shields and lay down to soak up some rays and enjoy our last afternoon in Wellington.

What a fantastic city.

07.11.12

There is one piece of art in the world that I have found that really connects with me. I don't know what it is about this portrait by C.F. Goldie, The Widow. It may be the sadness in her expression, the photo-quality detail in her hands, and the glowing embers hidden inside the hut, but I could look at it for a long time.You feel like you know this lady, this widow, and feel some of her pain.

It's amazing to me that a sheet of paper, a few drops of paint, and some utensils can be used to create emotion like that.

06.11.12

Today has been a great day. It's been one of the best in my life for ages. Maybe it was the sunny disposition of a new city, maybe the actual Sun had something to do with it, probably the food and company did too.

Amy and I woke up and had a yummy breakfast and coffee at Floridita's, followed by browsing in the vintage stores down Cuba St. When lunch time rolled around, we had a great time watching the sushi go round and round the carousel at Wasabi Sushi. It was the best sushi I have ever tasted, and it wasn't just because it was like a fun game to decide whether we wanted it, and snatch it in time before it drove by and we missed our opportunity.

This was followed by a visit to Amy's workmates (sort of) at the shoe shops, and some purchasing of our own, which made me feel so pleased! Consumerism won today.

After a coffee in the cutest little place, Crumpet, and a change of clothes, it was time for a cocktail from the Embassy Theatre and the best film I've seen in a long time, Safety Not Guaranteed.

Still buzzing from the movie, we had tacos at Sweet Mother's Kitchen to finish an amazing day, full of bests.

05.11.12

Wellington, day 1!

By 10:30am I had consumed coffee, a donut, a veggie breakfast, half a scone, and a pot of tea.

If the rest of the week is going to be like this, I will be pleased indeed.

Other highlights of the day include:
- Laying in the sun by the waterfront, dozing off momentarily in the sun
- Seeing Matt and Melinda and hanging out with them
- Escaping the rain and finding shelter in Fidel's with hot chocolate yumminess
- Having photos to update my Instagram feed with
- Seeing many stylish and attractive people

04.11.12

Worship was stressing me out bigtime today. Actually, just pretty much everything was.

I prayed that somehow, during practice, God would help me unravel it all and focus on Him. It was an occasion that I believed He could answer my prayer, but didn't really expect Him to.

He definitely did, and as practice went on I felt more and more calm. It was so great to experience peace like that, and an answer to prayer.

02.11.12

I had four separate chills with people today.

1. Alysha and Cindy:
We went to Delish Cupcakes and had a delightful time talking about boy crushes, jobs, school, and cute things. I love those girls so much. Hanging out with them always makes me smile. They are beautiful.

2. Links:
This girl gives me hope. She is so onto it and passionate about the same sorts of things I am. She inspires me so much because of it. After having coffee and a free mocha tart, I came away feeling so secure, comforted, and praising God.

3. Janet:
JanJan has a way of passing on joy to whoever she meets. She's a little Korean powerhouse of giggles, stories, and gossip. We dreamt and planned about living in Korea next year. I am so excited to have a friend over there as near and dear to me as she is.

4. Yvonne and Michael:
Second day in a row and not a dull moment. We went to the beach and lay on a blanket with a guitar. They are both incredibly talented and it was perfect just laying there, listening to their harmonies and staring into the sky. The clouds formed big, puffy hexagons like on a soccer ball, with stars peering through the cracks. At one point they parted to reveal a bright moon with a yellowish hue. It was beautiful. Once again, time escaped us and I went to bed well after midnight.

What a great day.

01.11.12

Von and I got to catch up with Michael Lee tonight and it was great. I was only going to stay for about an hour, but as per usual when we hang out, it got late very quickly.

That doesn't happen for me with many people. It definitely does with Von on many occasions in cafes where we just talk for far too long. I think it's quite special.

Another remarkable thing about our time was the way that Michael reacted to my website idea. He was so supportive and excited which made me even more passionate and dreaming even bigger. I can't believe how amazing it is to have great friends who are so helpful and creative who just want to help me so much. I feel very blessed.

31.10.12

It was our church Light Party tonight, a community event which provides an alternative to Halloween.

I dressed up as Snow White and boy did the kids love it! Most of the adults were calling me Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, but the kids would say, "Hey, Snow White!!!" excitedly as I passed. One little boy in a wheelchair was a bit awestruck as his parents told me Snow White is his favourite, so I chatted to him for a while.

It was great fun! I loved making the kids all excited and bringing joy to their little faces.

One girl from church looked up at me and asked, "Are you Snow White?" After I replied positively she looked at me closer and said with confusion, "But are you Katie too?"

It was gorgeous.

One day I might just work at Disneyland.

30.10.12

Tonight Melinda bought a pizza for her dinner and ate it at church. It always amazes me how generous she is with her food. Where I would guard mine with my life and glare at someone who even dares glance at it, she gives it away happily.

She ended up with only a few slices as she offered it to everyone else. She wasn't even bitter about it.

Maybe I'm just way too overprotective of my food and this shouldn't surprise me.

29.10.12

There's something magical about driving up my driveway with the window down and as I race up the hill, whiffs of the fresh Spring flowers fly past my nose.

It really makes me appreciate life.

03.11.12

Tonight was Sam's birthday, and it was a thoroughly enjoyable evening. The speeches were so touching. I teared up in quite a few. His grandma started hers' way back in 1946 and gave a brief history of Brown's Bay, ending with a short memory of Sam's birth. It was all very cute.

The whole family was very sincere, and surprisingly, so were his friends. Usually the boys make up dumb stuff to say with no preparation, and in some cases, too much alcohol. That didn't happen so badly tonight which was really nice.

28.10.12

Today is the day that the secret is out!

There were a few people I had to let know before I could just tell the world that I AM GOING TO KOREA.

I don't know exactly when, but it'll probably be February to teach for a year, and at the end of it I can decide my next step.

This is the most peace and joy I have ever felt in my life about anything. I know that God has been preparing the way for this over many years, especially in the past few months.

I've still got to work out what programme I'm going with and all the details, but after speaking to someone today who said I'm pretty much guaranteed a placement, I'm confident.

I just can't believe that the time is now, and something I want so bad is in God's plan for me. He is so good!

27.10.12

Today I picked up my guitar and played a few things.

I surprised myself by being better than yesterday!

It was a small thing, but very exciting. I even got the timing right changing from Bm to A.

It was all very cool. Fame, here I come!

26.10.12

I have reallyreally appreciated people's empathy the last few days. Not sharing in my pain, but rejoicing with me.

It's annoying to not be able to tell everyone at once what's going on because I just want to declare it to the world!

But it is quite fun to tell people one by one and see how they react. Being on the receiving end of their selfless joy is humbling. I'm learning how it feels so I can be good at it when the roles are switched.

25.10.12

Red wine, chocolate, and chips are a great companion to chats about church, life, love, and Embarrassing Bodies (seriously, why would anyone go on that show? And why do people watch it?!).

But most remarkable was the swelling feeling that took captive my heart throughout the day. Like a balloon being filled with so much goodness that it could burst at any moment. I kept having thoughts like, "How can anyone be this happy?" and, "Why do I deserve to be blessed this much?" It was almost more than I could bear.

24.10.12

The sun this evening was huge! It was bright, and it really did turn everything it fell on into a beautiful shade of gold.

It was like a reflection of my life over the last couple of days. When you have so much joy, it really doesn't matter what happens during the day, you can overcome it with a smile.

Even those little things that used to make me so mad, like a vaccuum cleaner that leaves a trail of dirt instead of sucking it up, or a broken door handle just to make life awkward, become insignificant details in a day full of smiles.

23.10.12

I found Katie again!

She was hidden underneath this pile of frustration, worry, and negativity but now, after that dreaded conversation, she is free!

I have not felt so elated or so full of joy in a very long time. I want to hug everyone.

What a release. What a relief.

What a Saviour who could bless me with so much peace and joy. Thank you!

22.10.12

Today I found out I've grown!! About 2cm in a year! How exciting.

But also, I've been this kind of nervous/excited/anxious mess since about 2:30pm this afternoon. I've bitten off three fingernails, a habit I thought I had broken long ago, and had to cut down the rest to prevent it happening again.

I'm going crazy with all these nerves about a conversation I've got to have tomorrow. I wish I could be more straightforward but I can't.

In due time.

21.10.12

Tonight was such a good temperature. It was warm enough outside and the rain calmed for long enought to tempt us to walk down to the beach after brushing our teeth.

We sat there watching the waves for a while. It's strange how something so uncontrollable as water being tossed onto the shore can have such a calming effect. The rhythmic crashing brought peace and contentment.

I even felt the water and could have been tempted to swim. Possibly.

20.10.12

Today there are two particularly remarkable things.

The first was sitting on the same giant rock I wrote about three years ago and looking out over that same ocean. It was the same colour blue, and just as beautiful. The moment wasn't nearly as profound or private, but I just loved that the rock hadn't moved and I could come back to it and ponder. That part of the world just kept on keeping on and each year when I visit, I can depend on it to be the same.

The second is more a memory I don't want to forget. A quality that I am coming to appreciate a lot in people is general cheekiness and the ability to produce fun. Sarah is one such person, and proceeded to cause many giggles tonight at Jessi's 21st. At the door, each guest was handed a card. One person had the word, 'murderer' written on theirs. The aim was to get that card by swapping with people over the course of the night. Sarah got the great idea to start writing messages on the card. Things escalated and the cards made the rounds and various people were demanding the kisses, promised by the cards. Some had Jessi's name, and others had Dan, Lucy, mine, and even Sarah as I got her back. It was a huge laugh, made funnier by the fact that we all had to disappear during speeches. As Lucy said, "It was all part of the illusion."

19.10.12

There is an amazing crescent moon out tonight. It's almost unreal the way the stars are scattered around it.

It's difficult to focus on conversation or where I am walking because all I want to do is look up.

18.10.12

After arriving at Tawharanui, setting up, and getting cosy over dinner, I thought Dad was crazy to venture out into the freezing wind to catch a fish down the other end of the beach. Not long after he left, Mum and I were the crazy ones to follow him.

I did not end up regretting the 20minute walk at all because the stars were out in full splendor, reflected in the water as phosphorescence washed up with each wave. It is amazing to watch the particles glow in the moonlight.

To make it even better, Dad caught three fish and was very chuffed with himself.

17.10.12

The little kids at Mainly Music are adorable and they brighten my day like nothing else.

One boy bounded in this morning holding a Vegemite sandwich. I commented about Marmite and a whole conversation ensued about how terrible it is that, "there's no Marmite in the supermarket anywhere!"

16.10.12

Today Melinda bought an iPhone! She wasn't sure, but after some persuasion she clicked that little "Buy Now" button on Trademe and it was done.

We picked it up this afternoon from the most amazing place on earth. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration.

As we drove into this place, it looked like a big factory up ahead. I thought that this would be a place to murder someone and hide them. We were a bit worried.

The concrete walls were covered in grafitti art and there was a wall made of rusted bike wheels. Up the curving driveway there were other strange art pieces scattered in odd places. Old villas with verandahs had benches and fountains covered in crochet. It was like we had driven into an art commune.

That's actually kinda accurate, except much less scary.

It was an old winery, turned into an art estate with artist studios, performance places, galleries, theatres, and a beautiful old church.

It was so weird and wonderful.

15.10.12

I have had three big conversations today.

Getting out a years worth of frustration felt really really good.

I came to some decisions and felt peace from God for the first time in a long time.

It's good to pray about things that matter again and know that I need an answer.

14.10.12

Productivity always feels good. I had a very busy day, at work from 8:30am until 9:00pm, but at the end of it I could say I was prepared for the week.

What a boring remarkable thing. I'll do better next time.

13.10.12

The combination of black jeans and the warm sun is usually a good one, and this afternoon it did not disappoint.

Perhaps my lack of sleep had something to do with the comfort it bought me as I drove along the motorway.

Outside, the wind was making the world go crazy, but there was nothing but calm in my car.

12.10.12

It was Dan's party tonight.

All the hard work paid off. People had a good time I think and enjoyed the videos. Phew! Dan did anyway, and that's the main thing.

My own 21st was a bit overwhelming because there were all the people there to talk to and make feel welcome. But this was a whole lot of people I know and could talk to without that added pressure. It was great.

I love dancing! We danced for a long time and loved every moment.

Dancing brings people together. Or can have the opposite effect I suppose if it was inappropriate. But this was great.

11.10.12

Watching yourself in videos from your childhood is the craziest thing.

As I saw this little blonde girl potter around the house, putting buckets on her head, riding around in the driveway, and getting excited about using the potty, it was a strange sort of nostalgia.

I couldn't remember doing those things, but somehow there was a vague recollection of the places and props.

It was a weird experience, feeling so disconnected from my own life.

10.10.12

Oh wow I have not laughed so much in a long time.

It was dance practice this afternoon for Dan's birthday and it was a complete mess.

We kept making mistakes and cracking each other up.

It's so refreshing to be completely silly sometimes.

08.10.12

It's my brother's birthday today. I have written him a speech:

"I was one and a half when Daniel came into the world. As soon as I saw him two realizations came to me.

Firstly, I would have to work at retaining the affection and attention of mum and dad. He was quite a cute baby and all if a sudden I had to fight for the spot of favourite. There is evidence of this in our home videos. I tried so hard to be the star and photo bombed a lot of his screen time.

The second realization was that I had gained a blind follower, an innocent victim to manipulate into playing with me, letting me dress him up (never nailpolish!), and getting me things I couldn't reach. He did very well under my instruction, even stealing the spatula, mums discipline device from the kitchen one day and hiding it under the bed.
He also was quite handy as a scapegoat. I think quite a few of my tellings off went to him. He would bawl and mum would give him a big hug and tell him she loved him. I used to hate that so much. I wanted justice... for him.


I did actually realize a third thing later on. I may have upstaged Dan in the home videos, but he really did upstage me in life. He is so smart, helping me with homework when I was two years above him at school, he lived my 7th form dream of being a student rep and a lead in the musical, and I don't know a single person who doesn't like him. Somehow Dan charms his way into making us all pick him up, buy him food, lend him assignments... He's got us all around his little finger.

It's not all take and no give though. He is one of the kindest, most caring people I know. Most brothers wouldn't bring their sister a glass of water after she hollers up the stairs at him, or dance like fool with her around the kitchen, or practice her worship set with her for ages even if he's not playing it that Sunday.

Dan and I have always been good friends. Over the years there has only been on habit of his that has really got on my nerves. I've only come to appreciate his constant, confident, and extremely loud singing recently. I think mainly because his taste in music has improved a bit from Nickelback.

Each week there was a new theme song which we heard screamed down the hall or up the stairs or over the top of the radio in the car. There were songs for the shower (the neighbours love him for that),songs for dancing, songs for when he got home, songs for sound checks, and songs for driving. He is always singing.

Everyone knows it, so we are going to watch this video mashup of all his favourites, but first, Dan I am so proud that you're mu brother. You are becoming a young man and it's so exciting to see you take more responsibility, and grow in integrity and all those things a man should be. 

Happy birthday. Love you."

07.10.12

Oh my word I have danced so much today.

It's been fun planning my brother's birthday party and this dance is one of the final pieces to come together. Unfortunately it is mighty difficult.

Dan is pretty talented when it comes to pretty much everything, but especially dancing. He can shuffle faster than most, shake his hips like Shakira, and coordinate his hands, feet and face at the same time.

Aaaaand Mum gave me the task of putting together a dance of all his moves to perform at his 21st.

Meg, Reece, and I got together this afternoon to turn it into one dance. Elliot came too but gave up when we got to the shuffling section. I don't blame him either. Those moves are difficult.

There is no way we'll ever look as good as Dan doing it all but I hope people can at least recognize some parts and recall him doing them on the dancefloor.

But honestly, I've never exercised so much in one day.

06.10.12

I had to move out of the Collins' house today. It was a very sad time because I have loved the past three weeks. They have been exactly the right amount of change I needed to stay on track with life.

I was sorry to say goodbye to chats before bedtime over cups of tea, my double bed with the sun streaming on, playing games and getting cuddles with Tui, baking and cooking whatever we liked, and of course the company of Wiz and Lucy and other guests.

05.10.12

I love anticipating eating something delicious when I know exactly how it is going to taste. You dream about it all day and then you take that first mouthful and it is exactly as it should be.

Jeyukbokkeum, you never disappoint.

04.10.12

Today I caught up with school friends for dinner. It was quite refreshing to see them.

Somehow the topic of human trafficking and sexual slavery came up and we talked about how upsetting it all is. We've never really talked about things as real as that in the world so it was really good to chat.

I also appreciated the input of my non-Christian friends and seeing their reaction. I'm so used to hearing Christian answers and comments that it's easy to lose touch with how the majority of people hate to see these things just as much. How could you not??

03.10.12

When Alysha arrived tonight to Cindy's house I got all excited and gave her a pretty good welcome.

I could tell she was pleased to be greeted with surprising enthusiasm. She smiled sheepishly and accepted my hug.

I guess it was good on both the giving and receiving ends.

It was just one of those momentary encounters that are easy to forget, but worth noting.

02.10.12

I made lots of small talk again tonight! It was fun getting to know more about this particular girl because she's always been in the peripheries of my friendship circles, but I've never had a conversation with her.

Along with all the small talk, there was a lot of deep conversation. When we got home, Lucy and I talked for a very long time and I really needed it. Her advice and perspective has helped me so much. Sometimes it's difficult to speak about real life things, but we all need to do it. It's part of friendship and general humanness.

01.10.12

Tonight I did something scary. I went into the elder's meeting to share about what it is I do at church, my limitations, pressures, and workload.

I was pretty terrified. I feel like I was ok beforehand, but during it, I just started shivering. I wasn't sure what was happening, but it made it difficult to look confident and to speak with a clear voice.

The shaking happened all the way home, and was only cured by a nice cup of tea.

Sometimes tea is the best cure.

30.09.12

Last night I set my alarm as usual.

This morning my alarm went off at 7am as usual on a Sunday, but I felt so tired. I put it down to being up so late the night before and got on with my day.

The morning passed by as usual, besides my car clock being an hour behind for some reason. I figured the battery must have done something weird when I turned it on. My car is slowly dying after all.

At Nana and Poppa's this afternoon, Dan remarked about their clock being an hour behind. I was surprised and shared about my car as well, laughing that the clocks must have had a conspiracy and stolen an hour from us overnight.

It was banter as usual.

...

Fast forward to 10pm, Lucy asks, "does anyone have any good daylight savings stories?"

The penny drops.

We all laughed at my ignorance and I thanked God for my phone which changed automatically.

29.09.12

Tonight I went to a party I didn't particularly want to go to. Mainly because I've liked staying home a lot recently, and there would be a lot of people there that I only sort of knew.

These days I doubt myself a lot in social situations, especially making small talk and not being too weird. But I am starting to have more evenings like this one that I walk away from the party feeling excited and energized by meeting new people.

I am so glad I went, not only for the confidence boost and great conversation, but because a couple of girls prayed for me and it was much needed.

To make it even better, one of the girls I had never met, and the other I had only spoken to a few times before. 

28.09.12

Tonight was the gig of my life.

Tom Lark
Farah Loux
Great North

I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, especially Tom Lark because, well, he's as fun to look at as sing along to.

Besides the fact that they are all great bands, two factors influenced the enjoyability by a substantial amount.

1. I haven't been to a gig in a very long time. It used to go to gigs at least once a week, but not anymore. Although my bank account is happier, my heart is not.

This was such a great gig to fill the emptiness inside. It had all the makings of the good old days such as the fantastic music, the venue (Kings Arms) with the perfect amount of grungy memories of intoxicated boys forming a pit during Bryan's solos, and catching up unexpectedly with friends from many different places.

2. I had a few great encounters with people. Conversation just seemed to flow. Sometimes it can be awkward because there are so many people I kind of know, but tonight it was not scary at all.

I love when people are suprisingly friendly. Not in a creepy way, but just in a "we've talked a few times and I'm not uncomfortable with taking it to the friendship level". It can be a bit weird sometimes, navigating that boundary between aquaintance and full blown friend, but it's always a relief when someone breaks that ice.

Tonight it was the form of a hand on the waist and a gentle sway to the music.

Don't be too excited. It was a female.

27.09.12

Today I recreated the Collins' house on The Sims. I was pretty proud of how it turned out. I used to love playing The Sims. I would spend hours doing it, but I was never great at designing houses.

This one is fantastic though. It is a replica of a real house, but I will still take full credit.

I love playing games of the past. Sometimes they don't match up to the fun level nostalgia gives them, but the fact that I was up well past midnight playing it means that this one is still as great as ever.

26.09.12

I woke up feeling pretty gross today. You know, the kind of sick that has you feeling your heartbeat in every muscle as it resounds from your head to your toes through the shivers and aches.

Lovely.

So I wasn't really looking forward to lifegroup tonight. I love the girls but the prospect of talking for a couple of hours with a sore throat wasn't very inspiring. I had a pray on the way that it would turn out better than I expected and it really did.

There were only a few girls there, but I feel like we had good conversations and I really enjoyed hanging out with them. I came home with a big, happy heart.

25.09.12

Mama Heng made me laksa tonight. It was so delicious. I loved every moment of it. And there was a lot of it!

It was perfect. The perfect hotness and ingredients. The tofu was freaking delicious!

And the best part was that she loved that I loved it and even told me how to make it. Yay! Points with Mama Heng!

24.09.12

For the first time in a very long while I had nowhere to go and no one to see, apart from an appointment with  the couch.

It was an amazing feeling to just sit and relax all day long, and even all night.

23.09.12

Today was the biggest mission of my life. That was an exaggeration. But there was a lot to achieve even without the added pressures of tiredness and emotion that I was experiencing.

That's why it was surprising that Kids' Church went extremely well. I can't pinpoint a specific reason, only that I was encouraged by many little things including a very cute activity sheet made for me by one of the six year old girls.

It was evidence that what we've been putting all the effort into by trying to get parents to do stuff at home with their kids is paying off. She is getting it.

If you'd told me 2 years ago that this particular girl would be responding so well, I would have stared at you in disbelief. There were tantrums and dramas each Sunday for a while as we tried to help her settle in.

But something is working and she is loving it. And I am honoured to be part of her journey of faith and discovery.

Sometimes it's hard to get up on a Sunday morning, but these little things make it worth it.

Here's her activity page (we've been learning about respect and I've been dressed up as a pilot each week to help make the message engaging by pretending we're on a plane):

22.09.12

It has been years since I have had a sleepover. That's why it was so fun to talk until the wee hours with Von this morning.

After 12 is always the best time for honest conversation with darkness as a shield and a teddy named Harreh for comfort.

Sometimes it's refreshing to get your guts out.

21.09.12

This morning I had a date.

With Sarah.

It was so lovely to see her face! Even if it was through a computer screen. It's so much better to talk as opposed to typing messages to each other. I'm not the most reliable at that.

But I sat outside with the sun on my back and we chatted about her adventures and life in general.

Such a moment of contentment.

20.09.12

The Songwriter of the Year finals were on tonight and once again I was so proud to know a couple of the talented musicians.

This year it really felt like they were just having so much fun up there. It was great to be drawn in to their excitement and passion like that. One of the guys had even coreographed a little dance for his chorus! It was hilarious.

And I think Matt Nanai should have got an award because he was practically in everyone's band and he wore an alligator costume. PLUS his harmonies are amazing.

That's enough gushing over someone I have never met.

19.09.12

Staying at the Collins' has been a whole lot of fun. Tonight was my turn to make dinner and I thought I'd give Dak Galbi a go.

I was quite nervous because they're not wannabe Koreans like Melinda or I so I wasn't convinced they'd love it.

But even with a couple of missing ingredients and a bit of improvisation it turned out to be flippin delicious.

I'm not the most confident cook so it was a huge relief that they seemed to love it, even going back for more. That's a sure sign of success. It felt good.

18.09.12

Today I cut Melinda's hair! It was the first time I had ever done anything of the sort, apart from a few shoddy self fringe trim attempts.

It came out pretty good!

I was more than a little proud of my efforts.

Please form an orderly queue because I will cut your hair for free.

17.09.12

This morning I woke up at the Collins' house in my beautiful double bed.

I made a cup of tea and toast and went back to bed to read and enjoy the sunlight which was streaming in.

I was so content right there. When I own a home, I am going to have a bedroom which faces the morning sun and relish those moments.

16.09.12

This evening I looked out the window to see the sun setting in the distance.

In the foreground, the mist was doing crazy things and there was layer upon layer of trees, forming a 3D pop-up landscape. It really was quite breathtaking.

15.09.12

Football is a great game to watch. It is even better when you have friends playing in the cup final.

It was an intense nail-biter of a game which went into extra time with the winning goal, a penalty to the Albany United Africans (my friends).

It was fantastic! I love seeing them all so happy.

We Gangnam Styled at the end of the game, like true champion supporters.

14.09.12

Nana has learnt to text. Often.

After receiving a few not-so-subtle requests for me to visit them, thinly masked in offers of pumpkin soup, I put on my granddaughter of the year hat and went to their apartment.

Poppa wasn't in the best shape. He felt nauseated and looked worn out. He didn't even enjoy his Jelly Tip!

Nana had just the trick to cheer him up though. She started reminiscing and surfacing fond memories of school days and how she used to admire him.

It is really strange how a memory can be so dear to one person, but not another. For example, Nana recalled a time when Poppa helped a lady and her child onto a bus. He folded the pram for her like a true gentleman and lifted the child onboard. Nana, watching on, was so impressed and admired him for it.

She still remembers it, and it was a very long time ago. By the way she told the story I knew it was so fond to her, but Poppa couldn't remember it at all.

It seems so insignificant, but to her it was important.

13.09.12

I approach mentor meetings both with a sense of dread, and excitement. Mostly it depends on the space I'm in, whether or not I have anything on my chest that I've been wanting to rant about, or if I'm feeling confident and just like having a chat.

This week it was a mixture. The questions were quite probing and I knew it would open up some things, but God intended them to be laid bare so that's the way it was.

It was relief mostly at the end of it. And it's good to be on the same page.

It's really special to have that trust to share what's really going on and see your situation from another perspective.

12.09.12

This morning at Mainly Music I just realized how special it is to get to know the beautiful families for a few years in a row and to see babies go from just-born to ready for school and be on that journey with many of the mums.

It's beautiful to witness kids growing, week after week, not just in size, but social skills and maturity as well.

Plus some of them are so darn cute.

11.09.12

You know when you wait in anticipation for something for months, and as it gets closer to the date, you get more and more excited and your expectations are built up higher than a skyscraper?

Then it all comes crumbling down around you as the thing you were anticipating turns out to be miles below the bar you set for it?

Well, that didn't happen tonight.

Moonrise Kingdom, the Wes Anderson film has been on my 'to watch' list for a very long time. It seems like forever ago that I first saw the trailer, and since then I'd been quite excited.

Wes Anderson is one of my favourite directors. The way he takes reality and adds just the right amount of quirk is perfection. His characters are always endearing, the settings quaint, and the editing is nothing but fun.

As soon as the opening sequence started, I knew Moonrise Kingdom was going to be a treat. The way he shot different rooms of the house in a cross-section, like a dollhouse was genius. We panned and tracked from room to room and caught a glimpse of the characters with a beautiful piece of music playing on the family's coveted record player.

It was delightful.

This isn't meant to be a film review though.

I was just in awe of the creativity and mastery of Wes Anderson's filmmaking.

It was quite spectacular.

10.09.12

I think this counts as today because it was after midnight.

So Amy was at my house and it was late. We felt like dancing so we went upstairs and flicked through the music channels to find the most adequate soundtrack.

What ensued would have been hilarious for the onlooker.

We both went into our private worlds of dance. With serious faces we were twisting, jumping, and twirling.

A few songs in, I snapped out of it and realized how ridiculous we were and just started laughing.

It was a fantastic moment.

We didn't particularly care so we just kept on boogie-ing.

09.09.12

Tonight I was brave and did something I haven't done since high school - I acted in a play.

It was a rather terrifying experience as I kept procrastinating learning lines and practising at home.

I've been so nervous the past couple of weeks because of it, even feeling sick from the stress.

It all turned out alright this evening though. I didn't forget any lines or blocking, and I think I said them with reasonable conviction. No Oscar nominations, but it was good enough.

I had to be a pregnant woman, which was a bit of a challenge. I'm pretty sure I never want to actually be pregnant after that. Yes, it's a miracle and an honour, but having a beachball under my dress was discomfort enough!

I'm sure I'll change my mind at some stage.

In the middle of the performance the weirdest thing happened. It was like I was outside of myself, looking on. I just thought about what would happen if I just stopped acting and walked off, and imagined all of the reactions. I had to snap myself back to what I was doing and remember my next lines. It felt so odd.

But yes. Acting is absolutely nerve-shattering, but it's good fun.

08.09.12

At dusk this evening, the sky was the most vibrant shade of orange.

It was so bright that gold reflected off the pools of water collected on the deck.

It was a beautiful moment to behold with the silhouettes of the trees in stark contrast to the bright sky.

I could have admired it longer if it wasn't so freezing outside.

07.09.12

Bowling is one of the most fun activities you can do.

It really does bring people together.

Tonight, Amy and I went bowling and it was just so fun. We shared disappointments and highs together as gutterballs were followed by strikes.

We danced, squealed with delight, shook our booties, and high fived.

What a great game!

06.09.12

It's good to have real conversations.

To go past the surface into stuff that's ordinarily difficult to say.

Tonight such a conversation took place and it was refreshing.

05.09.12

Tonight after lifegroup I went to Von's.

We took little candles into her spare room and lay in the darkness singing and finding words.

She played chords and we just sang what came in the hopes that it would form some sort of actual song.

It felt good.

04.09.12

Don't some people just make you happy to be around?

I found another such person and she brightened my day today.

Sometimes she thinks she's a dolphin.

She loves to dance, even if her style is a little crazy.

She speaks in a very cute accent which is fun to imitate.

Her name is Mika and I like being friends, even though she doesn't like Beyonce.

03.09.12

Oh boy did it rain today!

There was a huge pool at the bottom of my driveway which splashed over the roof of my car as I zoomed through it.

Further down the road I saw a bigger, more formidable puddle which would have been fun to drive through, but as the water was above the top of my wheels I thought I better not!

I took a slight detour and was on my way to work, mapping out a route in my head to make sure I avoided valleys and possible floods.

It's crazy how weather can interrupt our days sometimes. This was just a small reminder of how powerless we are in the face of nature.

02.09.12

I think it's time for me to start documenting the remarkable in my life.

Tonight it was at church.

As I prayed with Jessamy and Mika something broke within me. In a good way.

I've been feeling lately that I just want to get back to what it was like as a teenager in my relationship with God.  There used to be passion, fire, moments of abandon, and an unwavering desire for Him.

I want that again.

I am going to pursue that instead of settling for the excuse that as your faith matures, you lose many of those emotional moments.

Codswallop! Bring back the tears and His tangible presence.

Summer as it should be.

I want to go back to the best Summer ever.

It was hot like Summer is meant to be.

Getting in the car was like entering a sauna. We shut all the windows and turned off the air con to see how long we could last in the suffocating heat.

Our diets consisted of mainly lemon iced cupcakes, freshly baked while we played round after round of Gin.

We swam day after day, night after night. Togs remained in the car, "just in case" we received a text about hanging at the beach, and we usually did.

New friends were made every day, and distant ones became the closest. Many of which remain until this day.

We went to gigs once a week and watched our newfound friends astound and inspire crowds. We wondered how they got so good and how lucky we were to know people who could make such beautiful music.

We didn't sleep much because we didn't have to get up early for anything in particular. The only thing dragging us out of bed in the morning was the promise of a new adventure. Whether it was Mt. Victoria, op shops, the beach, cards, or even just hanging out, it didn't matter.
We would make it fun.

And we always did.

Take me back.

Sunshine, Lollipops

And rainbows in the sky,
Life's wonderful as wonderful can be,
When we're together.


Just making up for my last post.

(Also, I looked up the actual lyrics. Mine are better.)

If I Were A Boy

Sometimes I want to be a boy so I can write things that just aren't decent for a girl. 

Today I thought up a good simile but it was so gross that I thought I couldn't let it escape my brain in any form in case my future husband hears about it. 

Stuff it. 

Girls sometimes need to let their inner rogue out. It happens. 

It's unavoidable, like pubes in the shower. 

Bahdoom chhhhh. 

Starring Yours' Truly

I always turn hypothetical moments in my life into movie scenes. 

One moment I'm imagining an emotional conversation in the rain between two heartbroken people, and the next it's a beautiful kitchen scene with a couple washed in sunlight baking cupcakes. 

It's not always me in the scenes. Just a moment I think it would be great to be part of. 

Sometimes I think it would be so good to be able to script and direct my future. There would be no surprises. I'd always have great comebacks and humorous moments. The other person would always react predictably and my response would be witty and eloquent. 

Life would also be a whole lot less fun. 

The Sun makes the best blanket.

The daisies are out in all of their splendour.

I noticed them driving out of church, lining the driveway, making the world a better place.

It's the best thing when all of a sudden you notice their existence. It's as if you only do when lots of them appear at once and call out to you with one voice.

They band together to make your day a bit brighter.


I want to make a daisy chain quilt. Perhaps that will be a mission for one day this Summer.

Thoughts On Screen

I feel like this, like blogging again.

Thoughts on screen.

I saw a whole lot of talent tonight and it makes me wonder why God didn't give me that gift. I know I'm good at other things, but to write, arrange music, and perform it well would be incredible.

Being good at leading meetings doesn't have the same appeal.

Maybe God knows I would get proud if I was on the stage all the time.



Still, to learn would be fun. At some stage in my life.



People amaze me. How can such sweet melodies come from the lips? How can fingers know what chords to play without instruction?


It was like a dream. Listening.

First World Problems

I have been really affected by the famine in Africa. I feel so blessed and so helpless. It's a bit strange really. The lavish richness in my life seems pointless and wasteful in light of the 12 million people starving in the Horn Of Africa right now.

I can't even bring myself to read about it or watch the news.

It's too horrible.

I feel like my existence is a huge slap in the face to so many who live in great need. Here I surround myself with so many things for my own comfort.

I don't even think about the cost of food. Sometimes I even go without it out of my own vain conceit for what I look like. And then at other times, I scarf down much more than necessary in my greed.

What a privilege.

Then I complain about the internet dropping out, or having to go to uni on a rainy day.

Internet, education, and even rain are granted to a mere handful of people in this world.

What right do I have to complain?

West World problems.



As I drove home from work today I put on this song and by the time I got home I was weeping. It's the song of my heart for the hungry right now.

I feel partially responsible for their situation.
I want to be partially responsible for their solution.



Water: Luke Thompson

What kind of a rat has a bat?

It's been a while.

I wish I could send blog posts from my brain to my laptop because I write most of the best stuff while I'm driving and then forget it all before I reach my destination.

So annoying.

Anyway, for the past week or so life has been pretty good.

I think I'm deciding to take a bit more control of my life and be more intentional with my time. I want to spend it doing things that matter instead of wasting it on nonsense like Tumblr and tv shows.

I actually cleaned my room and got a record player which I'm loving.

After finishing Gossip Girl, I've been able to do other things which are far worthier of my time.

You should too. It feels great.

27.05.11

When I was at highschool I was part of a youth group called Primal. We had some really great leaders and they made us feel special by doing things with us.

Once a week they would pick us up before school and take us to breakfast at at McDonalds. I came to appreciate it for more than a chance to eat delicious yoghurt berry crunches. It showed that I mattered to my leaders. They were willing to be at my house at 7:30am. It felt special.

I decided to carry on the tradition with my lifegroup girls and so this morning was the first of (I hope) many yoghurt berry crunches to come.

We just hung out, all bleary eyed. The girls said it made their days better and it even made it into status updates after school. That's the real seal of approval.

I love them all so much. It's an honor to be able to spend time with them.

26.05.11

I really enjoyed baking today because it was for a purpose. I did good things with it instead of scoffing it all myself. I put some in my friends letterbox because her mum has been I'll and I took some around to another friend for morning tea.
Both times it was really appreciated.

It's so nice to be able to do something enjoyable like baking and also have it make someone's day.

24.05.11

It's been a while since I've felt my hair brush against my back, because it has been too short for so long. Today it did so and the tickling of it came with a sense of accomplishment.

An insignificant and strange remarkable moment, but one nonetheless.

17.05.11

It's amazing how many times you can do the same thing out of routine and never notice something breathtakingly beautiful right in front of you.

I don't know if it was the mist or the way the islands looked like mountains far in the distance, straight out of a Tolkien novel, but as I drove down my street they caught my eye.

Islands don't just float away. They had been there all along. It just took this day to notice them.

09.05.11

Going to uni isn't all bad.

I usually appreciate at least part of the ride home. I enjoy gazing out the window and just pondering. It's like having a few moments suspended in time when you can't actually do much but sit there and think.

Today I rediscovered how much I love clouds.

There were some really dense, dark clouds very low in the sky. They were hovering almost next to the bus it seemed.

They contrasted so vividly with the fluffy white clouds far above them, which were highlighted and glowing because of the almost-setting sun.

There were many cloud layers and they were all such different textures and seemed to be moving at different speeds.

I love that the sky is a canvas which is constantly being painted, never once looking the same as it ever has before.

11.04.11

I couldn't sleep tonight because I was hungry. I could have killed for some cake.
I kept thinking about chocolate cake. Decadent chocolate cake, freshly baked.

When I was nearly drowning from my excessive mouth watering, I dragged myself out of bed, upstairs and started mixing some ingredients.

I made myself a mini batter and put it in a cup with a few marshmallows ontop. Then it went in the microwave. It was fun watching it rise.

Eating it wasn't quite as satisfying as I had hoped. Turns out that 1 egg is quite a lot and you shouldn't overcook these things.

Next time I'll do better though and hopefully it wont look so much like crap (quite literally).

10.04.11

I saw Phil and Amy in the middle of today. We had lunch at the mall.

That was remarkable because Sundays are usually not seeing people days and also because it was good to see Phil. It's been ages.

Although, I was tired so I dunno if that gladness overflowed.

09.04.11

I took Jenni to the airport really early this morning. I was meant to sleep beforehand but that never worked out because I was way too excited about Korea.

On the way I got Amy because she just wanted to come along for fun. Far out she's awesome.

After we dropped Jenni off we got Maccas and had it on the beach.

Remorse as but it was worth it because of the memories.

Memories are better than wishes and what ifs.

08.04.11

I haven't posted in a long time. Life got in the way. plus my posts were lacking quality. It's difficult to be motivated to do something when you know it's going to come out mediocre.

Apologies.

Saying that seems ridiculous. Like I have millions of fans who wait at their computers each day, refreshing until I post again.

Ridiculous.



Today I got an email from uni about a scholarship to go teach English in Korea. I nearly cried with joy then and there. It's a super opportunity with flights and accommodation paid and then $1300 USD per moth wages for 15hr work per week. Wouldn't complain.

I've been thinking about doing this of my own accord, but this would be awesome.

It's organized by the Ministry Of Education in Korea so it's all legit. It's in rural areas but that's ok. I could deal. I'll definitely visit Seoul and the First Shop of the Coffee Prince.

First I have to apply and get in though.

THIS MIGHT HAPPEN.

10.03.11

I sat next to a guy on the plane. There was polite conversation, nothing too deep. I was going to Sydney for a holiday, he was going for work, he flies often becasue of his job etc. Then the flight attendant did the safety talk and so... conversation over.

I was left wondering for the rest of the flight what kind of job he must have to fly so much between Australia and NZ.

I kind of built up a scenario for him in my mind. He was kind of bulky so I decided he must be a rugby player - probably league. He was here playing for a team and that's why he travels a lot.

By the end of the flight I had convinced myself that I was sitting next to a famous rugby player and just before I was about to ask for his autograph I figured I should make sure.

I finally asked what he does for a living and was truly disappointed to find out he was just a businessman here to make sure his company is working well. I hope the let down didn't show on my face.

I much prefer the alternative.

I hope I'm not the only one who invents backstories for complete strangers.

09.03.11

Tonight I got home from lifegroup and Mum was packing for a conference she is going to in Sydney in the morning.
I let her know how jealous I was and then she mentioned that I should come. It was a bit like, "good joke Mum."
But then she started looking at the airline websites for flights and I became more and more excited.
By 10:30 I had worked myself up into a state of frantic spontaneity and before I knew it, the flights were booked and a few short hours later I was waking up to catch a plane.

It was the biggest spur of the moment splurge of my career. Absolutely worth it.

08.03.11

A grassy patch at uni provided a peaceful reprieve from the clutter and air-conditioned dullness of today.
My last lecture finished early so I waited for dan outside and soaked some late afternoon sun.
It was an appreciated ten minutes of warmth and rest, without much better to do than just lay there and look up at the blue sky.

06.03.11

Today I decided to drop on of my uni papers. It was the best decision I could possibly make. The whole thing was a huge amount of work and induced much stress. To not have to worry about it us an amazing feeling.
Now Mondays can be Fundays.

05.03.11

This afternoon I went with mum and dad all over Devonport to try find a venue for my 21st. It couldn't have been much fun, especially for dad who had to drive round. I really appreciated it though even if it wasn't so successful.
Hanging with my parents wasn't so difficult either. They're pretty cool. Even grocery shopping. Dad and I managed to get to the counter with a few extra treats.

04.03.11

Bunting, bunting, bunting.

But mini-like.

In cards.

They are really quite fun to make. Choosing the colours which go well together is fun, but writing the letters in the fabric paint is best.

They are for my birthday invitations.

This is bunting:

03.03.11

Clarissa and I had a date today with the most delicious icecream in the world.

The Takapuna Beach Cafe has the best gelato known to man.

Thus far I have tried the Lemon Curd Yoghurt, Bayberry Sorbet, Cherry Yoghurt, Peanut Butter Chocolate, Coconut Chocolate, and Blood Orange Sorbet.

I had my favourite of all this afternoon. It was the Cherry Yoghurt.

Oh man it was amazing. Real cherries.

It also doesn't stop blowing your mind half way through. It's still delicious right to the last bite.

02.03.11

Browns Bay > Onehunga > Town > Home > Browns Bay > Church > Home

So much driving.

01.03.11

Uni was actually pretty awesome today. I had a three hour class which is ridiculously pretentious and arty. It's all about poetry and the different ways we can read it.

For the third hour of class today we took poetry to the pavement with chalk. The task was to make the poetry come alive, off the page and into the public sphere.
It wasn't such a bad way to spend a beautiful afternoon.

I really like the way that the poems are completely different when extracts are seen on the ground in different shapes and colours. The meanings change and they become much more interesting.

I didn't feel as much of a dork as I thought I would being out there with people walking by. It could have been because people get used to seeing it at the start of every year or maybe it's just part of growing up and not caring about how others percieve me.

It was fun nonetheless.

28.02.11

The first day of uni.
I made a friend.
Her name is Jenni and she is from Canada.
I don't normally make firends at uni so this is remarkable.
The class sucks but she is pretty cool.

27.02.11

After Wave tonight we had MC training. The jokes were flying. It was absolutely hilarious. Debbie didn't quite know what was going on or how to control us all.

It was fun to watch her try and regain authority over the group as the boys made ridiculous comments about her MC tips.

At one point I was pronounced a slut because of my risque MC attire. It was all in jest. I think.

26.02.11

This evening Amy, Rosie, Em and myself made an impromptu trip to Frasers which left us all feeling rather ill after so much sweetness.

We each tackled a dessert and chocolate drink.

NEVER DO THIS.

The combination will leave you docile and uttering incomprehensible words, strung together in a most unattractive moan about how sick you feel.

It didn't stop us leaving a paper heart on the boys' flat doorstep on the way home.

There was much giggling as Rosie and Amy ran to get back in the car as I peeled off with them still climbing in.





The Lemon Meringue Pie couldn't be more delicious.

25.02.11

Taking care of an animal is actually a huge responsibilty and one that I'm not really cut out for.
The house Emily and I are sitting on at the moment comes with a dog.
She is a beautiful dog with a lovely personality but she's just so much work.
She loves hanging out but then she gets excited and so when she's inside we look at the carpet and find many little pee puddles.
Regular walks are the key to her happiness and who has the time, really?

It made me think of children and how much more work they'd be.

23.02.11

It was the first Presence this morning.

Waking up so early and dragging myself to the beach for prayer was rather difficult but once we got going it was well worth it.

Something happens when you sacrifice a bit of comfort for the sake of God's kingdom He shows up.

This morning He did that in the form of a sunrise.

As the sun hovered over the water there was a sense of his presence and goodness.

Afterwards while sitting at Ben Gusto, sipping on Earl Grey (which I was mocked for), Dan was inspiring us all to be passionate youth leaders and infect others with our passion for God. It really was great to sit and get excited about ministry with a handful of other leaders.

28.02.11

Some families are just awesome. The Elleys are one such family.

They are so generous and open.

This afternoon I hung out with Hannah and had the most delicious rockmelon milkshake with pearls at Easyway. Bubble tea always makes my day. The company was great too. Hannah always keeps me on my toes. She's one of those teenagers who's got her head screwed on tight. She can step outside of herself and think about things. She's still young but she knows what's up. She's especially good at pushing boundaries.
I love that about her.

Anyway, afterwards I imposed myself on the rest of the family, took a dip in their pool and managed to get invited for dinner. I didn't even feel that bad about it either.

They are so generous and I love that for a little while it felt like we were all back in Tonga.

20.02.11

Jane and Tarien blew me away with their testimonies today. I almost wept but I managed to keep it together.
They were so honest and real about what God had done in their lives and their own faults and limitations when it comes to living for him.
I am so proud of them. They've got it going on in their hearts which is what it's about.

It's so exciting to see them grow and get to this place where they got baptised. I am so honoured that God put them in my life. They often challenge and impress me with their faith.

Watch out future!

19.02.11

There is something that happens at leadership conferences. It's like all of these passionate people get together and ignite even more passion in each other.
Today I went to one such conference.
It was awesome just to get a little injection of inspiration to make church and youth stuff better.
Talking about things with Dan on the way back was extra good. There's so much we could be doing.
Potential as!

18.02.11

Tonight Kirsten came over with pink smokers and Amy came over with a box of chocolates and we discussed my birthday.
I know what I want. The Hopetoun Alpha. The one problem is that it's so expensive so my parents aren't keen at all.
By the end of the night, however, I think we managed to convince them that it's all I want and it's not such a bad idea.

Most of the time I have no idea what I want. I can be indecisive and negative about such things but this time I am sure.
Determination has kicked in and it WILL happen.

17.02.11

People interactions are really quite interesting.

I caught up with Jets for lunch. I haven't seen her in quite a while and yet, we are both so good at talking that there was no silence at all. I really appreciate that she believes things and feels passionately about things. She makes me want to be more sure of myself and my convictions.

Then later on tonight Elliot came over and our interaction was completely different. Initially I think he was at my house to watch a movie with Dan but he came and sat next to me on my bed and we chilled. He didn't move until the film was over. Most of the time we were in silence, unlike Jets and I. He was reading a book and I was on my laptop. It was cool just to be comfortable doing nothing.

Both hangouts were sweet. Just different.

16.02.11

Art is weird.
It is.
There are so many hidden meanings and it could tell you something completely different to what it tells me.
That's why I like it.
It's a little bit elusive.

We went on a sculpture trail today around the clifftops of Waiheke Island. There were so many awesome ideas put into huge artworks which cost thousands.

My favourite was a huge wall thing made out of stacked wood. It smelled really good too.

15.02.11

Waiheke is really a beautiful island, and fairly cheap to get to. For a $30 round trip you get to ride on the ferry and stay on a quaint little island with vineyards, rolling hills, cliffs and beautiful beaches.

Mum and Dad had a place there for a few nights, overlooking a bay. It was beautiful to sit out on the deck and watch the ocean change before our eyes.
It never looks the same. People come and go. Surfers tried and then packed it in when they realised there were no waves. The waves never lap quite the same. The tide is constantly moving.
The ocean is fascinating.

14.02.11

Valentines Day.

Like each year before this one, I came to dread the 14th February.

I tell myself I don't care about it at all. "What a load of commercial rubbish" and the like.

But I always end up caring.

It was a pretty swell day in the end. It didn't go completely Valentine-less and I had a lovely date with Amy Lloyd.

We saw the ultimate romantic comedy. No Strings Attached.

It's the new The Proposal.

He makes her a period mix CD complete with Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. What more could you need!?

13.02.11

Tonight I went to Windsor and it was freaking awesome. I love that it was so Spirit-led. There were heaps of opportunities for the youth to share about what God was doing in their lives and they did! They were so open and shameless about faith and what they were going through.

I want to know how it happened. Wave needs to be more like that. We're lacking an openness which leads to genuine Christian community. It's so important.

Also, Ash led Praise The Lord, which is a sweet worship song. We sang it over and over. So many times. Just the right amount. I saw Ash peek at Ben, the youth pastor and he got the nod that it was ok to keep going. Everyone was into it.

12.02.11

I missed my friend's wedding today. It's pretty stink. I was at work and I just couldn't leave. There was far too much to do.

The concept of someone my age getting married is still pretty strange. It's just as weird now as it was a few years ago. It doesn't get more normal. I wonder if, in five years it will still be weird to have a friend walk down the aisle. That is, if I haven't by then.

I haven't made any plans to get married soon. Don't fret Mum!

It's pretty awesome though. What a commitment. It's a pretty incredible thing to say to someone that you're there "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part." Cliches aside, the words are pretty profound.

11.02.11

It rained so heavily on the bridge tonight. It was a little scary, I'll admit.
But I had my wits about me, it's ok.
There was 20% vision, if that.
The car felt funny when I drove through puddles of water. Driving in torrential rain is not fun.
The Harbour Bridge was the worst part.
By the time I got to Esmonde, the road was dry.
Gotta love the sunny North Shore.

10.02.11

The moon followed me home tonight.
It was a perfect crescent in a blue haze of cloud.
Whenever I looked out my car window it was there gliding along beside me.

09.02.11

After creating and consuming a delicious Thai curry, Emily and I watched The Book Of Eli.

It was much like The Road except less beautiful.

However, it did leave me with a greater appreciation for the bible.

In the film, all the bibles had been burned 30 years prior and people were going to great lengths, even killing each other to aquire the only one left.

The reverence and awe surrounding the holy book in the film was a bit convicting for me.

It made me wonder whether I hold my bible in high enough regard. Even the bad characters knew of its importance and power.

Everyone was hungry for its words. God's words.

Am I that hungry for His words?

08.02.11

After Sufjan, I am afraid that nothing will be remarkable again.

07.02.11

My mind has been blown. Quite literally. There's a goopy fluid coming out of my ears and I keep finding bits of brains on my clothing. It's gross really.

Because of my lack of functioning organ, I haven't been able to express myself properly since Sufjan Stevens walked onstage. Adorned with glowing tape, flashing lights, and shining glasses, he and the whole 11 piece band made some of the sweetest sounds known to man as they jumped and danced like mad things.

The arrangements were incredible. There were so many instruments, voices and effects but they all came together and blended. I don't know how it happened. The man is legend.

I don't want to ever listen to another song again. I feel like I just experienced something so pure that anything else will just taint it.

Sufjan has left me with the verbal capacity of a one year old. All I can do is open and shut my mouth, emitting slurred and incomprehensible sounds.

I'm surprised I can even type this.

06.02.11

Tonight on the way home I stopped in Mairangi Bay to post a letter. The air was thick and warm as I took a few barefoot steps.
I just felt Summer. I suppose it was because it was so late and I had stopped on an impulse.
I can't really sum up the feeling I had. It just kind of was.

Summer should be filled with impulsiveness. It's a season without rationality.

05.02.11

I've been waking up mere hours after going to sleep for a while now.
It's not the healthiest feeling to wake up and not completely lose the groginess for before midday.
This morning I went out in public with sheet marks all over me. There were creases on my face, my arms and my legs.
It was rather hilarious.
I suppose the remarkable thing was how important sleep actually is. Without it I am a mess. I break down in tears, wander aimlessly, drive terribly, and am just generally unproductive.

04.02.11

I know life can't be based on compliments, but there's no denying it makes you feel good.
Tonight I got quite a few about my dress. It was very nice becuase I wasn't sure about it to begin with. It was an op shop number which took me an afternoon to take up and hem.
The effort was apparently worth it.
I will certainly wear it more often.


I feel very vain that this is my remarkable thing for today.

03.02.11

Sylvia North, Amy Ritchie, a last minute decision to go to a gig, a crush, and Momotea make for a great night out.
It was fun being girls and dressing up and talking about boys.
Amy took many photos and kept wanting to be embarassing like a mum with a camera.
We should ladies night more often.

02.02.11

I love that mushy feeling that romantic films and books give you.
It's just such a good feeling.
There must be a release of endorphins involved when your favourite characters have that beautiful kiss in the final scene because I could not stop grinning after Never Been Kissed even though I've seen it about a million times.

01.02.11

I've never really been a huge fan of scary movies. I don't find them so much thrilling as petrifying.
So I am glad that I never saw the trailer of Black Swan before deciding to go see it tonight. I probably never would have and that would be a travesty.
Although it had Amy and I cowering together in the seats in parts and covering our eyes in others, it was freaking amazing.
There was so much beauty in it. Natalie Portman delivered a flawless performance and the editing was excecuted so well.
I am in love with it.
It has been a while since I've seen something which has left me a little flabbergasted.

31.01.11

Sometimes people are so incredibly talented that it just blows your mind.
Sam Verlinden is 13years old. His voice is more than amazing.
They are so young and they got to play mainstage this morning.

Watch:

30.01.11

This Parachute has been weird. It seemed way more Christian. It's probably because I keep going to see worship bands play.

It's been such a good day for getting in the face of God. I really love how worship does that. It just takes you straight to Him.

Yesterday at Come and Live I was worshipping and not really feeling it. Life's been a bit crazy recently which has kind of wound me so tight and I've kind of just had my head in this cloud. I know worship isn't about 'feeling it', but I was finding it hard to break out of the cloud and lose myself in God.

Tonight during Edge Kingsland's worship set I finally did this and then God spoke to me heaps through Louie Giglio's message.

Sometimes it just all clicks and you put it all together and it's just, wow.
I had a revelation of God's joy in no matter what is happening. Never give up praising. It's like God was saying, "The storms of this year aren't over. There are more hard times to come, but it's ok because I'm here. Just keep worshipping me."

I've heard it before but it was just so crisp and clear.

29.01.11

Tonight I recieved a gift from a girl I had never met before. It was a little bracelet she had made. She was normally selling them to get a bit of cash but during worship that night God had told her to give them away.
It was just one of those little blessings that made my day that little bit more awesome.

28.01.11

The first day of Parachute is always so long. It usually starts for me before 6am with the drive down and then set-up and into the bands in the evening.
This year was no exception.
I love and hate the hours with nothing to do, waiting for 4pm when the festival begins and having set up all the tents you have. Previous years we've had to do it frantically and use the spare hours to defend our territory against encroaching neighbours. This year was different. Our nearest neghbours seemed miles away by Parachute standards. It was actually quite spacious and delightful.

27.01.11

Today I had a very proud moment. I have never driven with or attached a trailer to my car before in my life and this afternoon I had to do it all by myself.
I unhooked the trailer and dragged it to my car and hooked it all up. It wasn't light either.
It just made me feel all accomplished. Partially in a, "I don't need a man's help" kind of a way.
I then drove it through Browns Bay and up a hill with road works in my little gutless Corolla. At points I felt like I was going to start rolling backwards. We made it home safely though.
It was just one of those things that makes you feel all independent and good about life.

26.01.11

Children can have fun for hours doing things that adults just wouldn't think of.
This morning Milla beene, Kirsten and I had so much fun with a pile of dressups. We were being flower princesses and dancing to 90s hits.
It was so simple and yet so entertaining.

25.01.11

I have wanted to make a rainbow layered cake since I first saw a photo of one a couple of years ago.
Today my dreams came true.
Emily and I set out to buy purple, turquoise, yellow, and blue food colouring to make the cake exciting.
It took hours and hours of mixing, baking, cutting and spreading. Eventually it was in the fridge setting nicely.
In the end it looked amazing. The taste wasn't that great. Very cream-cheese icingey.
I love cream-cheese icing so I was a fan.
It's great to make something so out of the ordinary and something I had been wanting to do for ages.

24.01.11

I love the feeling of discovering beautiful new music.
This is what happened when I attended the Tealight Tour this evening.
The Paper Kites played and I do truly love them. The harmonies and guitar twinkles are so lovely.
I haven't listened to anything else since.

23.01.11

Tonight the sky had an amazing reddish hue. It was as if someone had taken a big brush and mixed some scarlet into the black of the night.
I love how the sky is so unpredictable. You expect it to be all nnormal and than BAM it throws you off with some magenta.

Red has cool synonyms.

22.01.11

Baking is really good fun, especially if done with the world's best four year-old.
We made ladybug cupcakes. Well, that's what Milla beene called them anyway. I think it was because we put berries and chocolate in them.
In the end they resembled a little girl's dreams all come true. They were iced in bright pink and she sprinkled with generous portions little butterflies (buffalos) and various other goodies.
They tasted pretty swell, even if they did look a tad exciting.

20.01.11

I felt very grown up as I went out for a wine and dessert with Kirsten and Debs this evening.
We went to Sunday Painters and boy it was good.
The creme brulee came in vanilla and coffee. Far out I nearly died of yum overload.
But the wine was the best part. I'll admit I have no idea what I'm talking about and I've only just acquired a taste for red wines, but this was just so good.
It was something a bit fancy and French and fruity.
Delicious.

19.01.11

The best thing in the whole world just happened right now.
I was gazing at the moon which has an aura of yellowish blue tonight. It's very crisp and I couldn't even see any stars.
Out of nowhere came the most amazing shooting star I have ever seen. It was huge and bright and had a trail that sparkled.
I'm not utterly convinced it wasn't fireworks. I listened for pops and fizzles but heard nothing.
It was just so bright. It went for ages too. Completely surreal.
I'd like to think it was something special that God orchestrated for me to see on a night like this.
Just when I need it most.

18.01.11

Colouring in a butterfly to send to a little girl I was reminded of the beauty in creating simple things.
Children create all the time. They paint and draw and cut and paste.
Maybe they aren't masterpieces. Neither was my butterfly.
But the process is what matters.
To create something from nothing more than paper and pencils.